Ashes to ashes

I attended my first Ash Wednesday service in 2006. My husband and I started attending a Lutheran church a few blocks from our apartment, and since I never attended an Ash Wednesday service, I expressed to my husband that I wanted to go. We walked to the church, and on that walk, I remember asking him what happens at an Ash Wednesday service. He stated it was similar to a regular Sunday service, except the pastor made a cross of ashes on peoples foreheads.

It was not like a regular Sundays service. It was quiet and somber. I remember when I approached the altar, the pastor lightly touched my forehead. I could feel the cross being made on my forehead. And I remember the words, "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." I remember returning to the pew, thinking of the gravity of the words "... to dust you shall return."

To dust you shall return. I remember walking home after the service. I immediately went to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." I continued to stare at the cross of ashes on my forehead, thinking of my life and the finality of it on this earth. The finality struck me, particularly since at the time, I was a Hindu attending a Lutheran church. What did such a finality mean?

Fast forward to 2008. I was the lector at the Ash Wednesday service at my home congregation. The same congregation where I went to my very first Ash Wednesday service. I was assisting the pastor with the imposition of the ashes, telling my brothers and sisters in Christ, "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." I was struck making the cross on peoples foreheads. I broke down during the imposition of the ashes, realizing that all of us are living a life in anticipation of the resurrection. It was with the imposition of the ashes that we will return to dust, but we are not forsaken by God. We are loved and cherished children of God. The juxtaposition of ashes and God's grace and love were startling to me that Ash Wednesday.

There is sad news for tomorrow's Ash Wednesday service. One of the church matriarchs of my teaching parish passed away this morning. And in light of tomorrow's service, I couldn't help but return to the words "... and to dust you shall return."