Sowing of seeds.

I had a wonderful last couple of days in Chicago. Friday was spent visiting Lutheran Theological Seminary Chicago and attending a chapel led by a Missionary Baptist praise team. The sermon was titled, "Desperate times call for desperate measures." The text was from Matthew 15 of the faith of the Caananite woman, desperate to heal her child. I continue to struggle with the text concerning the Caananite woman, because Jesus comes off as kind of a jerk. The preacher spoke of Jesus pulling reversals on everyone, being an expert of sorts. But the Caananite woman is the one to pull a reversal on the ruler of reversals. She does this in great desperation for her daughter, but also in great faith. The preacher spoke to how he has been marginalized in so many ways, and in his desperation, Christ comes to meet him. For just coming off a bus and walking into the seminary's chapel, this sermon was spiritual food.

How does spiritual food come about? Agriculturally, seeds need to be sown in order to grow food. I thought about the sowing of seeds my last couple of days in Chicago for many reasons. One reason was that so many people from transitional parts of my life were in Chicago that same weekend. A member of my failed master's thesis committee was in Chicago visiting friends. One of my first friends from Fuller Theological Seminary was in town for his 25th high school reunion. A fellow PLTS student was in town for meetings. And Chris Heavner was in town. My husband and I lovingly refer to Christ Heavner as PC; many of Chris's flock call him PC as well. PC is the campus pastor at Clemson University in Clemson, SC. It is through PC's conversations and patience that I became curious about Christianity. As a joke, I tell people that I became Lutheran because I went to a potluck, but I think the Spirit was working on me through PC. I met PC when I was a sophomore in college; one of my best friends invited me to a potluck at University Lutheran Church and I went because there was going to be free home-cooked food. But what came out of that potluck was a sense of koinonia and love; being in community was actually awkward for me since I was so used to worshiping with just my family. I graduated from Clemson thankful for knowing PC through campus ministry and Habitat for Humanity, not thinking much about how PC would impact my future. I worked as a consultant for a couple of years. I met Karl. Then Karl and I decided to get married. PC re-entered our lives, and in quite an interesting way. PC, Karl, and I met once a week for two years so I could ask PC anything about Christianity; PC would answer my questions to the best of his ability, and he could ask me questions about my faith journey. This was an incredible time of learning and growing for me. And it was at University Lutheran, in the midst of singing "I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry" that I experienced God's love and grace. I was actually so freaked out by the experience, I burst into tears in the middle of the hymn. And I was scared. I experienced a real God in church, but didn't know if I wanted to follow God. So I wavered. I wavered for two years, when I was finally baptized at Salem Lutheran Church in Glendale, CA, on the other side of the country from Clemson, SC.

Getting to spend time with PC in Chicago was a wonderful experience for me. It was in Chicago where PC was a seminarian and worked for the church office. It was wonderful to hear of his experiences in the city and to share my own with him. We wandered around the city talking about ministry experiences. We talked about loving people, even though it's not always easy. We talked about changes in mainline churches. We also talked about internship and community.

After such a rich experience getting to spend time with PC, I was excited to go to church on Sunday morning. I planned to attend First Evangelical Lutheran Church located in Logan Square. When I stepped off the Blue Line, I was reminded of my experiences in the neighborhood around University of Southern California. There were shop signs in Spanish, but also upscale eateries. The neighborhood looked like it was in transition. I reached the church and met Pastor Eardley Mendis (Pastor Mendis is originally from Sri Lanka). I joined in the Bible study, which was in both Spanish and English. I participated in worship, where I read the Hebrew Bible reading from Jeremiah 28:5-9 concerning true and false prophets. I was also asked to give my testimony at the end of the service. I spoke to the congregation and told them a brief version of my story and how I am currently a seminarian. I spoke to the awesomeness and mysteriousness of God's love. I joined members of the congregation for lunch. I was hoping to interview Pastor Mendis, but the realities of ministry made the interview not possible. We were hoping to speak after lunch, but the front wheel of a parishioner's bicycle went missing. The bicycle was the only means of transportation for this parishioner, and there was a search for the missing wheel. I spoke to Pastor Mendis later in the evening, and he gave the parishioner money for a new wheel.

I was very struck by the mural immediately behind the chancel space in the church. The mural was a sign that the congregation itself appeared to be in fluctuation. The mural depicted a predominantly Caucasian population, ranging from crusaders, pilgrims, and pioneers. Native Americans were placed at the bottom of the mural, not directly gazing at the congregation like the other people in the mural. Representative in the congregation, however, were Latinos, Blacks, Whites, and Asians. We knelt together at the communion rail, recognizing our common bond in brother and sisterhood in Christ. I was happy to be in church that Sunday morning.   

Thoughts on the day.

Today I participated in a roundtable discussion at Truth Lutheran Church in Naperville, IL. This was a valuable opportunity to talk to Asian pastoral leadership in the ELCA. En route to Naperville, I had an interesting conversation with Pongsak Limthongvirtan about Multicultural Ministries in the ELCA. He had some advice for me, which was to get a PhD. I'm still struggling with this as part of my discernment process, because I'm called to serve the church, yet I still don't quite know what that looks like... is it as a pastor, or as an educator, and of course, why not a pastor/ educator? This comment also made me wonder about my future in the church. Maybe I'm over-thinking the comment, but is the PhD to prove something, and what

In speaking with the pastors and lay leaders in attendance, we spoke about pastoral identity, "Lutheran identity," hopes and expectations for the Office of Multicultural Ministries, creative ministry, and a church that is becoming increasingly marginalized.

One of the aspects of "multicultural" ministry with which I still struggle is separated services. Two pastors in attendance stated that they have a native language service, with the second generation population attending a separate English service. Truth Lutheran Church even has two separate sanctuaries and the native language service is the same time as the English language service. There is a combined service once a month. There are fellowship opportunities to bring the separate worship communities together, but what binds the communities together?

Two of the pastors also spoke of bringing not just their ethnicity to the table, but their life and ministry experiences. There was mention of segregating the Asian/ Asian American population to their own church, but at what cost? Is that representative of the body of Christ? 

We also talked about definitions of "identity" and "multiculturalism." Words have such loaded meanings, especially in speaking about self and lived experience. A word as a symbol can mean entirely different things among different people. How then do we communicate when a symbol carries a multitude of meanings? How then does translation occur?  

Think Glocally.

The past couple of days have been wonderful and interesting. Yesterday started the second part of my trips focusing on my FTE Fellowship project. I left San Francisco in the morning and arrived in Chicago in the afternoon. Once I checked into my hotel room, I hopped on the Blue Line to meet a fellow FTE Fellow, Jennifer. Jennifer, her friend, and I dined at a Puerto Rican restaurant called Borinquen where I ate my first jibarito (meat between pieces of fried plantains). The discussion over dinner was amazing. Jennifer and I talked about the similarity of our projects, and Jennifer's friend had phenomenal input on speaking of embodied experience and "languages" learned by our bodies. The conversation continued at Jennifer's apartment over dessert. It was an incredible conversation and such a sacred space. As Jennifer's friend stated, she didn't believe in accidents. Last night's conversation reminded me of words as symbols, and that such symbols have different definitions in different contexts.

Today I visited the Churchwide Office of the ELCA. I spoke with Sunitha Mortha, director of the ELCA Global Formation Program. We spoke about issues of identity as well. We spoke at length about the nebulous concept of "Lutheran identity," and how that is a highly contextual notion. What could be considered Lutheran in one location may not be considered as Lutheran in another location. We spoke a lot about shifting ideas in theological education, and paradigm shifts in not only theological education, but in ministry.

Sunitha is currently working on "Glocal Mission Gatherings," which are taking place all over the United States throughout 2010 and 2011 (click on the link to find out more about these gatherings on Facebook; the ELCA link is here). These gatherings are asking vital questions, such as "What is mission?" and "Who is the neighbor?" particularly in a world of migration and immigration. We talked about the changing world of mission work; missionary work does not have to be an exotic notion of colonizing a far-away land, but mission can happen in the pews, immediately outside the walls of the church. She is working to create spaces where people can share their feelings, thoughts, and ideas concerning ideas of modern mission. Trinity Lutheran Seminary is going to be the first seminary to host a Glocal Gathering. I think speaking of Glocal Mission is vital for future church leaders; when she told me that there was a seminary participating, I was excited that a ministry experience was being brought to future church leaders. I think Glocal experiences should not be limited to a cross-cultural requirement, but that mission work should be integral to theological education.

We also spoke on issues of diversity and responsibility. How can the church become more diverse? We talked about the continuing paradigm shifts in ministry, but we also talked about coming from a tradition of reformation. The church, in light of recent economic problems, is being forced to reform. We also talked about Martin Luther; what would happen if he walked into a present-day ELCA church? What would he say? 

Meeting Sunitha and having the opportunity to speak with her was such an incredible experience which parleyed to last night's discussion with Jennifer and Jennifer's friend. This experience continues to be an incredible experience and blessing.

On the Road. Again.

I leave tomorrow morning for the second leg of my travels. I will first go to Chicago, the location of the main offices for the ELCA. My time in Chicago will be incredibly busy, but I'm also looking forward to it. My first interview is with the head of Global Missions for the ELCA. She is a lay leader within the denomination, and I'll be asking her about lay leadership, and hopes and expectations for diversifying the denomination.

My second interview will be with the head of Asian American Pacific Islander ministry within the Office of Multicultural Ministries. From this second interview, I will then participate in a roundtable discussion with seven other Asian American leaders within the denomination. I hope that we'll talk about hopes and expectations for Multicultural Ministries, especially with budget cuts impacting the ELCA.

I will then travel to Minneapolis/ St. Paul, Minnesota, where I will speak to an ordained Asian American pastor. Why Minnesota? Honestly, why not? One of the reasons for selecting Minnesota is its historical ties with Lutheranism, as well as being the home for Luther Seminary, the largest ELCA seminary. Part of my visit to the Twin Cities is to see contextual education at the largest ELCA seminary and how they're training future church leaders in "multicultural ministry."

After Minneapolis/ St. Paul, I'm then headed to Los Angeles, which is the location of my home congregation and home synod. I'll be meeting with the head of Asian American Pacific Islander ministry for the Pacifica Synod. I'm also hoping to attend a bilingual church service in Arcadia (English and Chinese).

After returning home from ATSI in Philly, I've worked on simple, open-ended questions. Here they are, in no particular order. They'll be ordered by the time I make it to Chicago...

1. Who have been your role models/ mentors?

2. Can you tell me about yourself, your ministry experience, and your call process?

3. What are your hopes and expectations for Multicultural Ministries?

4. Dreaming big and without limitations, what would Multicultural Ministries do to diversify the church?

5. Define your personal sense of pastoral identity (for ordained ministers)?

6. Define your personal sense of Incarnational identity (for ordained ministers)?

7. What do you think should be the primary focus of Multicultural Ministries, particularly in light of recent ELCA budget cuts?

8. How do you define Lutheran identity in your personal context?

For those of you perusing the blog, how would you answer these questions? Feel free to leave your answers in the comments!

A response to The Namesake for my Asian American Theologies class

The first time I read The Namesake, I finally felt like someone understood my story as living between worlds, or not quite fitting into worlds at all. I spent much of my life wandering around thinking that there wasn’t anyone that really shared in my story. When I read the book, I felt like a light switch went off in my life. Here was an author who somehow knew my story and turned it into a bestselling novel.

Reading the book years later through the lens of a seminary student, I saw new things. I very much related this reading of The Namesake to Peter Phan’s idea of "betwixt and between" (Peter C. Phan, "The Dragon and the Eagle: Toward a Vietnamese-American Theology" in Realizing the America of Our Hearts: Theological Voices of Asian Americans, 164). Living between worlds is further highlighted with the unfortunate incident of Gogol receiving his given name at the hospital. Gogol’s name amplifies his inability to fit into the country of his birth, the United States of America, as well as the inability to fit into the country of his ancestry, India. Gogol, as a teenager and young adult, laments that his name is of an ill-fated Russian writer. He claims his name sounds peculiar, and is further embarrassed when he discovers that the writer Nikolai Gogol led a tortured and conflicted life. Part of the irony is that Gogol himself is in a sense tortured and conflicted. He cannot communicate with or understand his parents; his parents are from a different land and a different culture from which Gogol is so far removed. He blames his parents for much of his young adult life concerning the awkwardness of his name; it is only later that Gogol discovers that his name has incredible significance, as the name Gogol is related to Ashoke’s second chance at life, a resurrection of sorts, to create himself as something new and to travel to a new land.

A life of betwixt and between is also reflected in Ashoke and Ashima’s relationship with each other, and their life as husband and wife in the United States. Ashima has constant thoughts of wanting to return home to Calcutta. She carries around mementos of her family and former life in India; she reads and rereads letters from her family, Bengali magazines, and Bengali books. She longs for her family to help her raise her children. Ashima and Ashoke live a life in exile from their home country. Much of Ashima’s thoughts are lamentations, missing her home country and her family. She finds substitutions within the Indian and Bengali community in the United States, but Ashima reflects that these are but mere substitutes for a reality that she once knew. She laments that she does not feel a connection with or understand her American-born children. In this life led in exile, Ashoke and Ashima do not make outrageous attempts to assimilate to the culture. They do eventually have to give Gogol a legal name, they purchase a home in a suburb, Ashoke has a professorship at a university, and accommodations are made to make by Gogol’s and Sonia’s request, such as celebrating a secular form of Christmas, and inevitably having to give in to the wishes of a five-year old Gogol to use his pet name in place of his good name.

Ultimately, in reading The Namesake through a theological lens, I continued to think of Jesus Christ as the immigrant par excellence. Gogol had no one to relate to throughout the novel. Part of the distance was through his parents’ mistakes; they were not prepared to give him a good name, and instead used a family name in place of his proper name. Gogol’s name ostracized him from everyone. When Gogol legally changed his name to Nikhil, there was still a sense of ostracism. He could not connect to his “former” identity as Gogol; ironically, using a proper Bengali name seemed to further separate him from his family prior to Ashoke’s sudden death. As Nikhil, Gogol seemed to live a different life but could not connect to his parents, his status of living between worlds and cultures, but could not connect to American culture. In reading, I think of Jesus as the mestizo and as the "Immigrant par excellence, the Marginalized One living in the both-and and beyond situation" (Phan, 174). While The Namesake does not mention religion, there is something particularly Christ-like in the character of Gogol. Gogol wanders through his life with a mixed identity of being neither Indian nor American, or being too Indian or too American; Jesus walked this earth as truly human and truly divine. Gogol is the child of immigrants trying to find his identity in a land where he doesn’t fit; Jesus is the immigrant par excellence in a world where he perfectly fits and a world he does not fit at all.

Day Four, Asian Theological Summer Institute

What thoughts do I have as I am sitting on an airplane, flying back to the west coast? I am honored, humbled, and blessed for the opportunity to attend the Asian Theological Summer Institute. It was fascinating to sit in a room with new and established scholars listening to the future of theological research from Asians and Asian Americans. I'm excited for the church catholic, and while theological education has entered tough times, I am waiting in eager anticipation for the future of Asian and Asian American theological scholarship.

Identity was further played with today with Dr. Eleazar Fernandez's presentation. I'm still digesting what he presented, because it was pretty darned intense. It leads me to wonder about listening to multiple narratives in a greater story, and am I listening to other narratives? What narratives am I not hearing? Yet again, questions of identity pop up...

I had an interesting conversation with one of the mentors at the conference. He asked me about the purpose of my FTE project. I told him there were a few reasons why I came to build this project. Part of this project is an opportunity for me to network within my denomination. I haven't been Lutheran all that long, and I'm still wandering about trying to find relationships with denominational leadership, particularly Asian and Asian American leadership. While I know people in northern and southern California, I want to know educators, pastors, and lay leaders. I want to know their narratives in the greater ELCA narrative.

One of my more formative classes in Spring 2011 was a systematics class in Asian American Theologies taught by Dr. Joanne Doi. In that class, I acquired a vocabulary that was more appropriate to my social location. I had read different types of liberation theology, reading books by Justo Gonzales, Gustavo Gutiérrez, James Cone, and Delores Williams, but there was something about their vocabularies that didn't quite fit my situation. There was a resonance, but at the same time, there was not a complete comprehension. It was somewhat of a disjointed connection. In Dr. Doi's class, I questioned one of the readings with a heavy reliance on Black Liberation Theology; while there were some common threads with talking about an experience, they were very different lived experiences. Dr. Doi mentioned that there is a need to look to others to start building a vocabulary, pushing and pulling with words for a comparative experience, but not the *same* experience. Then yesterday's conversation with Lucia started to hit home as well: we need to learn the voices of others to better understand our own voice. The sense of borrowing was also brought up today, which reminded me of using the words of Black Liberation Theology in my Asian American Theologies class. And of course, when it comes to borrowing, who really owns knowledge? 

Part of this project is also learning about my own identity. In speaking with Dr. Rajashekar, I didn't really think about my identity in the United States until joining a church. I never thought about my sense of being until being in a greater church population. But when I joined the church, I received some odd comments that made me think about the appearance of my person. I didn't question my relationship with God in Christ, but I did start to question my relationships within a church community. I also noticed the physical appearance of my person when my husband and I visited India. It was odd realizing that I married a Caucasian man three years after our marraige.

I was wondering about what the ELCA calls "Multicultural Ministries" and how it worked. I thought of the Office of Multicultural Ministries as a nebulous cloud somewhere in the distant land of Chicago. The FTE project gave me an impetus to contact the office to make connections with the staff, but also to see what was actually going on in this ministry.

My time at ATSI was so valuable. I now have a better idea of interview questions I plan to ask my subjects in the coming weeks. While this is a formation experience for me, it's also a chance for me to interact with new people in the ELCA, talk about "Multicultural Ministries," and see four out of the eight ELCA seminaries.

This post is more like a stream of consciousness. I have pages upon pages of notes from ATSI that I need to sort through, look more in depth at the comments and questions I had concerning common threads I experienced. I need to sit and think about what I've heard and what I've experienced. I also need to continue through my personal discernment process, especially concerning theological education.

I wish all of the doctoral students blessings as they enter the writing process and look forward to hearing about their work. I also want to thank the ATSI mentors for their words of wisdom and their encouragement. It was wonderful to meet the people behind the essays and books I've read.

Day Three, Asian Theological Summer Institute

One of the books I brought with me was One With God: Salvation as Deification and Justification. While this is not my normal fare, I'm reading it for my class on Christology, Soteriology, and Pneumatology. One of the bigger arguments according to the author is that Lutheranism totally misunderstood Luther in justification and sanctification. Luther thought the two were united, while the latter Lutherans separated the two, as evidenced in The Book of Concord. This made me seriously wonder about something I was asked my first day at Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary: "What is Lutheran identity?"  I even went to the Lutheran Theological Seminary of Philadelphia's library during my lunch hour to reread Luther's "The Freedom of a Christian" to make sure that the author's argument (and that I myself) wasn't totally bonkers. I think Kärkkäinen (the author of One of God) has something vital to say to the present-day Lutheran tradition...

What did my professors mean by asking, "What is Lutheran identity?" Hasn't the denomination been around the United States for a few hundred years? Why is there yet again an obsession with identity? Yet again, in conversation with the faculty advisers of the Asian Theological Summer Institute, there is a similar obsession with Lutheran identity as there is with Asian American identity. There is a need for immigrant communities to know a sense of self in a different context. Part of the struggle with Lutheran identity is coming from a rich western European background; but how is that background then compared with the immigrant experience to a foreign land (in this case, the United States)? How does the Lutheran struggle with finding a sense of identity then relate to an Asian American sense of finding identity? Is there then potential for creativity in liminal spaces? Or are there going to be the concrete restrictions of borders of definition?

Speaking of definition concerning borders and restrictions, this then leads me to a presentation made today by Dr. Frank Yamada of McCormick Seminary. He spoke to pedagogy, and I was quite intrigued by his three questions in what he titles "The 'Culture' Exercise." I will leave you with the three questions of "The 'Culture' Exercise" and hope that you will take the time to think about these three questions:

1. What is your culture?

2. In what ways do you reflect and resist your culture?

3. How does your culture influence your reading of biblical text?

This led to interesting discussion. My discussion partner was Lucia, a Catholic sister who just successfully completed her PhD. She mentioned something insightful that I would like to leave with you. She stated that there is a need to learn about other voices in order to better understand our own voice. Somethings are starting to click, while somethings are becoming increasingly complicated.

Day Two, Asian Theological Summer Institute

"Be still and know that I am God..."

I tend to forget this passage in Scripture. A lot. The students and professors of ATSI gathered early this morning for a devotion led by Dr. Kwok Pui-Lan. She had us sit still for five minutes. I forgot what it feels like to sit still for even a minute. She spoke of the "monkey mind" that wanders off, but she wanted us to be centered and focused on our breathing. And of course, my monkey mind wandered off to think about the papers I still have to write for my systematics class, but I remembered to come back, center, and breathe.

Today was pretty spectacular and thought-provoking. The morning started off with Dr. Jayakiran Sebastian's presentation on "The Baptism of Death: Reading, Rereading, and Resignifying a 19th Century Mission Document Today." It dealt with Christian missionaries coming to India with the intent to convert Brahmins, looking at the relationship between a Brahmin woman and her Christian convert husband. What is interesting about the convert's wife is that she had been erased from history; historical documentation acknowledges the convert's white, Christian wife, but history has removed the first Indian Hindu Brahmin wife. One of the big questions from Dr. Sebastian's presentation concerned unlearning present social power constructs to enter into dialogue with historical documents... and how identity has been constructed through text.

The rest of the day was filled with student proposal presentations, which was fascinating. One of the common themes I found with many (but not all) of the presentations related to a sense of identity. With much of today's doctoral proposal presentations pointing towards identity, I feel that I am on the right track in formulating my questions for my future interviews. While identity is an interesting subject, why is it so prevalent within an Asian and Asian American theological context? Why is there such a focus on identity? Why is this one of the prevalent threads appearing on the first day, from both established professors and doctoral students? In speaking with Dr. Kwok Pui-Lan, she made this fascination understandable. She stated that there is an American obsession with identity, particularly in a land populated by immigrants.

An obsession with identity. Yep, I'm there too. What is my story in the greater theological narrative? What is the story for Asian Americans within the greater narrative of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America? What happens when identity is placed upon a marginalized population? Why do those in power place such labels on the marginalized? Is the idea of belonging a sense of "be-longing" for Asian American Christians?