Here's something a tad different. My internship site places the audio from sermons online, which means that the sermons I've preached are all online. Ack. The last sermon I preached was not on the Gospel text (which starts the audio file), but instead what I found to be a daunting text: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20.
And here you go: http://www.stpaul-lutheran.com/sermons/20120115.mp3
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conversation. Show all posts
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Twin Cities, Part II
My third visit in the Twin Cities was to Luther Seminary. This was outside the scope of my original proposal, though. I had the intention of traveling around visiting Asian American pastors in the ELCA (which means my visit to the Church of All Nations was also outside the original scope of my proposal), but the nature of a proposal is that it is merely that: a plan or a suggestion put forward. And the nature of plans or suggestions is that they are able to change, morph, and evolve. I realized while wandering around the library lounge at Lutheran School of Theology Chicago that I would be visiting cities that are home to ELCA Lutheran seminaries. I started this journey out at Lutheran School of Theology in Philadelphia, getting to wander the campus and interact with some of the professors. I attended chapel in Chicago, but did not have time for a guided tour of the physical building of the seminary and to speak to professors and staff about curriculum.
Why visit a seminary at this phase of the journey? Well, why not? I'm currently a seminary student at an ELCA seminary, and I was curious as to how other ELCA seminaries speak to "multicultural ministries." The staff at Luther made sure that I had a full day, but with this full day came many questions and some frustrations with seminary education and reactions with particular individuals in the ELCA. One conversation in particular was a struggle for me. The person I spoke with would throw out general terms such as "students of color," "international students," "us," and "them." Throughout the conversation, I asked her for clarification on these terms, to which she would add, "You know what I mean?" I told her, "No, actually I don't know what you mean." With words being used as powerful symbols, I get frustrated when words get thrown around without an adequate personal definition. I remember asking, "What do you mean by 'us'? Am I a part of this 'us'? Because if you're talking about students of color not being called to a congregation based on their physical appearance, I am not a part of your 'us.'" Honestly, I was sad and frustrated that this individual has a position which greatly impacts all students at Luther. She then asked me, "Well, you have all the answers, right?"
This is where I have an issue with diversity within the ELCA. Who then is responsible for acting to make the church a diverse body representative of humanity? Is it the responsibility of people of color to bring in diversity? Or is it the responsibility of each member of the denominational church body? Who then is accountable? Will the individual-ness of each person be honored if they come to the church, or will they be forced to act in a certain manner to match up with the dominant population?
I spoke with another individual who talked about some of the multicultural components that goes into a seminary education. One of my gripes with the whole of seminary education is that I wonder if I'm learning about ministry and theology that is applicable to the parish? Are future church leaders being trained to speak about race, gender, and class issues? Are future church leaders being trained in ecumenical and interfaith dialogue? Also, what the heck is multicultural ministry? There have been different definitions flying around since I've started this journey. There is no concrete definition for a multicultural ministry. With the constraints of seminary education, there is an incredible nuance; there can be a significant difference between what one is trained to do and what one is called to do.
I spoke with one of the staff of Church of All Nations before I left the Twin Cities. It was an insightful and challenging conversation. Part of the discussion led to the question, "Can there really be a 'multicultural' ministry?" What happens if populations are segregated? What happens when one population is forced to act unlike themselves to act like the majority? Colonialism still happens in the church, yet can we love one another when people don't fully understand who they are? Ultimately, I still think to John 13:34-35, which is one of the verse I carried with me during my Clinical Pastoral Education experience. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Yet, what does it mean to love? What does it look like to love? I revert back to my conversation with Pastor Jin Kim when he spoke of letting go of fears into the hands of the Spirit, freeing us to love each other, giving us the ability to tell each other, "I care about you" with genuine love and compassion.
Why visit a seminary at this phase of the journey? Well, why not? I'm currently a seminary student at an ELCA seminary, and I was curious as to how other ELCA seminaries speak to "multicultural ministries." The staff at Luther made sure that I had a full day, but with this full day came many questions and some frustrations with seminary education and reactions with particular individuals in the ELCA. One conversation in particular was a struggle for me. The person I spoke with would throw out general terms such as "students of color," "international students," "us," and "them." Throughout the conversation, I asked her for clarification on these terms, to which she would add, "You know what I mean?" I told her, "No, actually I don't know what you mean." With words being used as powerful symbols, I get frustrated when words get thrown around without an adequate personal definition. I remember asking, "What do you mean by 'us'? Am I a part of this 'us'? Because if you're talking about students of color not being called to a congregation based on their physical appearance, I am not a part of your 'us.'" Honestly, I was sad and frustrated that this individual has a position which greatly impacts all students at Luther. She then asked me, "Well, you have all the answers, right?"
This is where I have an issue with diversity within the ELCA. Who then is responsible for acting to make the church a diverse body representative of humanity? Is it the responsibility of people of color to bring in diversity? Or is it the responsibility of each member of the denominational church body? Who then is accountable? Will the individual-ness of each person be honored if they come to the church, or will they be forced to act in a certain manner to match up with the dominant population?
I spoke with another individual who talked about some of the multicultural components that goes into a seminary education. One of my gripes with the whole of seminary education is that I wonder if I'm learning about ministry and theology that is applicable to the parish? Are future church leaders being trained to speak about race, gender, and class issues? Are future church leaders being trained in ecumenical and interfaith dialogue? Also, what the heck is multicultural ministry? There have been different definitions flying around since I've started this journey. There is no concrete definition for a multicultural ministry. With the constraints of seminary education, there is an incredible nuance; there can be a significant difference between what one is trained to do and what one is called to do.
I spoke with one of the staff of Church of All Nations before I left the Twin Cities. It was an insightful and challenging conversation. Part of the discussion led to the question, "Can there really be a 'multicultural' ministry?" What happens if populations are segregated? What happens when one population is forced to act unlike themselves to act like the majority? Colonialism still happens in the church, yet can we love one another when people don't fully understand who they are? Ultimately, I still think to John 13:34-35, which is one of the verse I carried with me during my Clinical Pastoral Education experience. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Yet, what does it mean to love? What does it look like to love? I revert back to my conversation with Pastor Jin Kim when he spoke of letting go of fears into the hands of the Spirit, freeing us to love each other, giving us the ability to tell each other, "I care about you" with genuine love and compassion.
Catching Up and Processing.
I realize that I haven't visited this space in a couple of days. My time in Minneapolis/ St. Paul provided immense food for thought. I think I'm still processing a lot of the conversations that took place in Minnesota, because I see similar conversation threads appearing in people I'm speaking with in Los Angeles.
I had three meetings scheduled in the Twin Cities. My first meeting was with Pastor Thiem Baccam of the Lao Evangelical Lutheran Church of Robbinsdale, Minnesota. I found Pastor Baccam through the ELCA Asian American Pacific Islander Church listing. I pretty much cold called him, and he graciously agreed to be interviewed for my project. I was engrossed in Pastor Baccam's life story and ministry experience. He was raised as a Christian in Laos, but fled his home country in the mind 1970s. He and his family relocated to Iowa. While he identified as a Christian in Laos, he became Lutheran when he lived in the United States. He went on to attend college and seminary in Iowa. His ministry experience is also filled with incredible, blessed, and challenging events. He was called to lead a Laotian congregation in the Twin Cities area when he left seminary. His congregation fluctuated in size, nested with white congregations, had their own physical church building until Minneapolis seized the building for eminent domain as the church sat in an area of the city that was being redeveloped and revitalized, and making the space to minister to first and second generation Laotians. Parts of my conversation with Pastor Baccam resonate in my head. He and lay leaders within his congregation had to restructure the liturgy for worship so that worship communicates to his congregation's context. He also wrestled with having separate language services; he currently has one service which is bilingual. He stated there is challenges in such worship, as the first generation is comfortable worshiping in Laotian and the second generation is comfortable worshiping in English. Pastor Baccam has provided pastoral care to both groups, but also letting both populations know that room must be made for community to exist as a *single* community, as opposed to a community separated by language and generational differences. Pastor Baccam is highly invested in the younger people in his congregation, seeing ministry leadership traits abound in this population. He wants to grow leaders from within his church; he encourages such leadership in worship and organizing community activities. He believes that part of his ministry is to strengthen the priesthood of all believers.
Pastor Baccam's congregation has experienced numerous changes. He stated the congregation has nested in several buildings, even owning their own building at one point. Membership increases and decreases. Latinos, Blacks, and Whites are now coming to worship in his bilingual Laotian/ English services. He's wondering how to be an inclusive church, recognizing that the life of this congregation continues to change and evolve. He's partnered with the Pentecostal congregation that shares the same church building and they're having their first joint worship service on July 10th. He is also working to strengthen the relationship with the white congregation that owns the physical property of the church. They share in fellowship activities, but Pastor Baccam acknowledged that there are some cultural differences between the two communities that hamper clear communication. In speaking with Pastor Baccam, he is living in a space where he as the opportunity for creative ministries. Since I only spent time with him, I wonder what ministry within this congregation will look like in the coming months and the next few years.
My next meeting was transformational and incredible. I read about Church of All Nations in Dr. Joanne Doi's Asian American Theologies class. In Sang Hyun Lee's book, "From a Liminal Place: An Asian American Theology," he talks about the diverse population within the congregation at Church of All Nations. How can such a diverse population worship as a single community? What does the church leadership look like theologically and physically? What advice would the lead pastor (in this case, Pastor Jin Kim) have for future leaders of the church? What advice would the pastor and staff have for congregations that are wrestling with a sense of identity? I spent a couple of hours in the church staff meeting. I was intrigued by the meeting; I've sat in meetings where the church is concerned about the needs of the immediate congregation and the physical building of the church with little regard to the church catholic. I also realize this can be seen as an unfair statement because no church meeting is the same and each church has its own unique concerns. But I can speak to the church meetings I have attended (and at different congregations) and the similarity was focusing on the immediate needs of the immediately present congregation.
Part of looking at the greater church was from the pastor and one of the staff returning from a Korean caucus meeting. Changes in ordination processes (similar to the ordination of LGBT clergy within the ELCA) are coming about within the PCUSA. In Pastor Jin's keynote address to the caucus, he stated that the Holy Spirit has left the PCUSA. Pastor Jin and the staff talked about this present time being a critical period within the PCUSA's history, and also a critical period in history for the Korean church in America.
In visiting with Church of All Nations, much of the conversation with Pastor Jin focused on identity and the state of mainline Protestant traditions in the United States. I was intrigued by a list I saw on the wall titled, "Who We Are." It is a ten-point list that was created at their Board of Deacon's Retreat on May 2, 1010. Their "Top 10" can be found if you scroll down on this page. In pastoral identity, Pastor Jin spoke to me about transforming character. They have an internship program where there is not an assigned time limit; character cannot be developed within a rigid amount of time. Transforming character is something that cannot be confined to the constraints of time; it is instead carefully developed.
I was excited and challenged by my conversation with Pastor Jin and interacting with the staff at Church of All Nations. I cannot fully describe in words on this blog how I was impacted by the visit. There are so many topics in my head, particularly transformation versus deformation, fear in church communities, placing fears and apprehensions on the Holy Spirit to freely love people as they are, self-esteem, and Jesus being victimized but never playing the victim. I will probably come back to this space to communicate my experience with the people of Church of All Nations.
With all of this processing, I will use my next post to talk about my visit to Luther Seminary, my frustrations with theological education, and my journeys in the southern California area.
I had three meetings scheduled in the Twin Cities. My first meeting was with Pastor Thiem Baccam of the Lao Evangelical Lutheran Church of Robbinsdale, Minnesota. I found Pastor Baccam through the ELCA Asian American Pacific Islander Church listing. I pretty much cold called him, and he graciously agreed to be interviewed for my project. I was engrossed in Pastor Baccam's life story and ministry experience. He was raised as a Christian in Laos, but fled his home country in the mind 1970s. He and his family relocated to Iowa. While he identified as a Christian in Laos, he became Lutheran when he lived in the United States. He went on to attend college and seminary in Iowa. His ministry experience is also filled with incredible, blessed, and challenging events. He was called to lead a Laotian congregation in the Twin Cities area when he left seminary. His congregation fluctuated in size, nested with white congregations, had their own physical church building until Minneapolis seized the building for eminent domain as the church sat in an area of the city that was being redeveloped and revitalized, and making the space to minister to first and second generation Laotians. Parts of my conversation with Pastor Baccam resonate in my head. He and lay leaders within his congregation had to restructure the liturgy for worship so that worship communicates to his congregation's context. He also wrestled with having separate language services; he currently has one service which is bilingual. He stated there is challenges in such worship, as the first generation is comfortable worshiping in Laotian and the second generation is comfortable worshiping in English. Pastor Baccam has provided pastoral care to both groups, but also letting both populations know that room must be made for community to exist as a *single* community, as opposed to a community separated by language and generational differences. Pastor Baccam is highly invested in the younger people in his congregation, seeing ministry leadership traits abound in this population. He wants to grow leaders from within his church; he encourages such leadership in worship and organizing community activities. He believes that part of his ministry is to strengthen the priesthood of all believers.
Pastor Baccam's congregation has experienced numerous changes. He stated the congregation has nested in several buildings, even owning their own building at one point. Membership increases and decreases. Latinos, Blacks, and Whites are now coming to worship in his bilingual Laotian/ English services. He's wondering how to be an inclusive church, recognizing that the life of this congregation continues to change and evolve. He's partnered with the Pentecostal congregation that shares the same church building and they're having their first joint worship service on July 10th. He is also working to strengthen the relationship with the white congregation that owns the physical property of the church. They share in fellowship activities, but Pastor Baccam acknowledged that there are some cultural differences between the two communities that hamper clear communication. In speaking with Pastor Baccam, he is living in a space where he as the opportunity for creative ministries. Since I only spent time with him, I wonder what ministry within this congregation will look like in the coming months and the next few years.
My next meeting was transformational and incredible. I read about Church of All Nations in Dr. Joanne Doi's Asian American Theologies class. In Sang Hyun Lee's book, "From a Liminal Place: An Asian American Theology," he talks about the diverse population within the congregation at Church of All Nations. How can such a diverse population worship as a single community? What does the church leadership look like theologically and physically? What advice would the lead pastor (in this case, Pastor Jin Kim) have for future leaders of the church? What advice would the pastor and staff have for congregations that are wrestling with a sense of identity? I spent a couple of hours in the church staff meeting. I was intrigued by the meeting; I've sat in meetings where the church is concerned about the needs of the immediate congregation and the physical building of the church with little regard to the church catholic. I also realize this can be seen as an unfair statement because no church meeting is the same and each church has its own unique concerns. But I can speak to the church meetings I have attended (and at different congregations) and the similarity was focusing on the immediate needs of the immediately present congregation.
Part of looking at the greater church was from the pastor and one of the staff returning from a Korean caucus meeting. Changes in ordination processes (similar to the ordination of LGBT clergy within the ELCA) are coming about within the PCUSA. In Pastor Jin's keynote address to the caucus, he stated that the Holy Spirit has left the PCUSA. Pastor Jin and the staff talked about this present time being a critical period within the PCUSA's history, and also a critical period in history for the Korean church in America.
In visiting with Church of All Nations, much of the conversation with Pastor Jin focused on identity and the state of mainline Protestant traditions in the United States. I was intrigued by a list I saw on the wall titled, "Who We Are." It is a ten-point list that was created at their Board of Deacon's Retreat on May 2, 1010. Their "Top 10" can be found if you scroll down on this page. In pastoral identity, Pastor Jin spoke to me about transforming character. They have an internship program where there is not an assigned time limit; character cannot be developed within a rigid amount of time. Transforming character is something that cannot be confined to the constraints of time; it is instead carefully developed.
I was excited and challenged by my conversation with Pastor Jin and interacting with the staff at Church of All Nations. I cannot fully describe in words on this blog how I was impacted by the visit. There are so many topics in my head, particularly transformation versus deformation, fear in church communities, placing fears and apprehensions on the Holy Spirit to freely love people as they are, self-esteem, and Jesus being victimized but never playing the victim. I will probably come back to this space to communicate my experience with the people of Church of All Nations.
With all of this processing, I will use my next post to talk about my visit to Luther Seminary, my frustrations with theological education, and my journeys in the southern California area.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thoughts on the day.
Today I participated in a roundtable discussion at Truth Lutheran Church in Naperville, IL. This was a valuable opportunity to talk to Asian pastoral leadership in the ELCA. En route to Naperville, I had an interesting conversation with Pongsak Limthongvirtan about Multicultural Ministries in the ELCA. He had some advice for me, which was to get a PhD. I'm still struggling with this as part of my discernment process, because I'm called to serve the church, yet I still don't quite know what that looks like... is it as a pastor, or as an educator, and of course, why not a pastor/ educator? This comment also made me wonder about my future in the church. Maybe I'm over-thinking the comment, but is the PhD to prove something, and what
In speaking with the pastors and lay leaders in attendance, we spoke about pastoral identity, "Lutheran identity," hopes and expectations for the Office of Multicultural Ministries, creative ministry, and a church that is becoming increasingly marginalized.
One of the aspects of "multicultural" ministry with which I still struggle is separated services. Two pastors in attendance stated that they have a native language service, with the second generation population attending a separate English service. Truth Lutheran Church even has two separate sanctuaries and the native language service is the same time as the English language service. There is a combined service once a month. There are fellowship opportunities to bring the separate worship communities together, but what binds the communities together?
Two of the pastors also spoke of bringing not just their ethnicity to the table, but their life and ministry experiences. There was mention of segregating the Asian/ Asian American population to their own church, but at what cost? Is that representative of the body of Christ?
We also talked about definitions of "identity" and "multiculturalism." Words have such loaded meanings, especially in speaking about self and lived experience. A word as a symbol can mean entirely different things among different people. How then do we communicate when a symbol carries a multitude of meanings? How then does translation occur?
In speaking with the pastors and lay leaders in attendance, we spoke about pastoral identity, "Lutheran identity," hopes and expectations for the Office of Multicultural Ministries, creative ministry, and a church that is becoming increasingly marginalized.
One of the aspects of "multicultural" ministry with which I still struggle is separated services. Two pastors in attendance stated that they have a native language service, with the second generation population attending a separate English service. Truth Lutheran Church even has two separate sanctuaries and the native language service is the same time as the English language service. There is a combined service once a month. There are fellowship opportunities to bring the separate worship communities together, but what binds the communities together?
Two of the pastors also spoke of bringing not just their ethnicity to the table, but their life and ministry experiences. There was mention of segregating the Asian/ Asian American population to their own church, but at what cost? Is that representative of the body of Christ?
We also talked about definitions of "identity" and "multiculturalism." Words have such loaded meanings, especially in speaking about self and lived experience. A word as a symbol can mean entirely different things among different people. How then do we communicate when a symbol carries a multitude of meanings? How then does translation occur?
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
A response to The Namesake for my Asian American Theologies class
The first time I read The Namesake, I finally felt like someone understood my story as living between worlds, or not quite fitting into worlds at all. I spent much of my life wandering around thinking that there wasn’t anyone that really shared in my story. When I read the book, I felt like a light switch went off in my life. Here was an author who somehow knew my story and turned it into a bestselling novel.
Reading the book years later through the lens of a seminary student, I saw new things. I very much related this reading of The Namesake to Peter Phan’s idea of "betwixt and between" (Peter C. Phan, "The Dragon and the Eagle: Toward a Vietnamese-American Theology" in Realizing the America of Our Hearts: Theological Voices of Asian Americans, 164). Living between worlds is further highlighted with the unfortunate incident of Gogol receiving his given name at the hospital. Gogol’s name amplifies his inability to fit into the country of his birth, the United States of America, as well as the inability to fit into the country of his ancestry, India. Gogol, as a teenager and young adult, laments that his name is of an ill-fated Russian writer. He claims his name sounds peculiar, and is further embarrassed when he discovers that the writer Nikolai Gogol led a tortured and conflicted life. Part of the irony is that Gogol himself is in a sense tortured and conflicted. He cannot communicate with or understand his parents; his parents are from a different land and a different culture from which Gogol is so far removed. He blames his parents for much of his young adult life concerning the awkwardness of his name; it is only later that Gogol discovers that his name has incredible significance, as the name Gogol is related to Ashoke’s second chance at life, a resurrection of sorts, to create himself as something new and to travel to a new land.
A life of betwixt and between is also reflected in Ashoke and Ashima’s relationship with each other, and their life as husband and wife in the United States. Ashima has constant thoughts of wanting to return home to Calcutta. She carries around mementos of her family and former life in India; she reads and rereads letters from her family, Bengali magazines, and Bengali books. She longs for her family to help her raise her children. Ashima and Ashoke live a life in exile from their home country. Much of Ashima’s thoughts are lamentations, missing her home country and her family. She finds substitutions within the Indian and Bengali community in the United States, but Ashima reflects that these are but mere substitutes for a reality that she once knew. She laments that she does not feel a connection with or understand her American-born children. In this life led in exile, Ashoke and Ashima do not make outrageous attempts to assimilate to the culture. They do eventually have to give Gogol a legal name, they purchase a home in a suburb, Ashoke has a professorship at a university, and accommodations are made to make by Gogol’s and Sonia’s request, such as celebrating a secular form of Christmas, and inevitably having to give in to the wishes of a five-year old Gogol to use his pet name in place of his good name.
Ultimately, in reading The Namesake through a theological lens, I continued to think of Jesus Christ as the immigrant par excellence. Gogol had no one to relate to throughout the novel. Part of the distance was through his parents’ mistakes; they were not prepared to give him a good name, and instead used a family name in place of his proper name. Gogol’s name ostracized him from everyone. When Gogol legally changed his name to Nikhil, there was still a sense of ostracism. He could not connect to his “former” identity as Gogol; ironically, using a proper Bengali name seemed to further separate him from his family prior to Ashoke’s sudden death. As Nikhil, Gogol seemed to live a different life but could not connect to his parents, his status of living between worlds and cultures, but could not connect to American culture. In reading, I think of Jesus as the mestizo and as the "Immigrant par excellence, the Marginalized One living in the both-and and beyond situation" (Phan, 174). While The Namesake does not mention religion, there is something particularly Christ-like in the character of Gogol. Gogol wanders through his life with a mixed identity of being neither Indian nor American, or being too Indian or too American; Jesus walked this earth as truly human and truly divine. Gogol is the child of immigrants trying to find his identity in a land where he doesn’t fit; Jesus is the immigrant par excellence in a world where he perfectly fits and a world he does not fit at all.
Reading the book years later through the lens of a seminary student, I saw new things. I very much related this reading of The Namesake to Peter Phan’s idea of "betwixt and between" (Peter C. Phan, "The Dragon and the Eagle: Toward a Vietnamese-American Theology" in Realizing the America of Our Hearts: Theological Voices of Asian Americans, 164). Living between worlds is further highlighted with the unfortunate incident of Gogol receiving his given name at the hospital. Gogol’s name amplifies his inability to fit into the country of his birth, the United States of America, as well as the inability to fit into the country of his ancestry, India. Gogol, as a teenager and young adult, laments that his name is of an ill-fated Russian writer. He claims his name sounds peculiar, and is further embarrassed when he discovers that the writer Nikolai Gogol led a tortured and conflicted life. Part of the irony is that Gogol himself is in a sense tortured and conflicted. He cannot communicate with or understand his parents; his parents are from a different land and a different culture from which Gogol is so far removed. He blames his parents for much of his young adult life concerning the awkwardness of his name; it is only later that Gogol discovers that his name has incredible significance, as the name Gogol is related to Ashoke’s second chance at life, a resurrection of sorts, to create himself as something new and to travel to a new land.
A life of betwixt and between is also reflected in Ashoke and Ashima’s relationship with each other, and their life as husband and wife in the United States. Ashima has constant thoughts of wanting to return home to Calcutta. She carries around mementos of her family and former life in India; she reads and rereads letters from her family, Bengali magazines, and Bengali books. She longs for her family to help her raise her children. Ashima and Ashoke live a life in exile from their home country. Much of Ashima’s thoughts are lamentations, missing her home country and her family. She finds substitutions within the Indian and Bengali community in the United States, but Ashima reflects that these are but mere substitutes for a reality that she once knew. She laments that she does not feel a connection with or understand her American-born children. In this life led in exile, Ashoke and Ashima do not make outrageous attempts to assimilate to the culture. They do eventually have to give Gogol a legal name, they purchase a home in a suburb, Ashoke has a professorship at a university, and accommodations are made to make by Gogol’s and Sonia’s request, such as celebrating a secular form of Christmas, and inevitably having to give in to the wishes of a five-year old Gogol to use his pet name in place of his good name.
Ultimately, in reading The Namesake through a theological lens, I continued to think of Jesus Christ as the immigrant par excellence. Gogol had no one to relate to throughout the novel. Part of the distance was through his parents’ mistakes; they were not prepared to give him a good name, and instead used a family name in place of his proper name. Gogol’s name ostracized him from everyone. When Gogol legally changed his name to Nikhil, there was still a sense of ostracism. He could not connect to his “former” identity as Gogol; ironically, using a proper Bengali name seemed to further separate him from his family prior to Ashoke’s sudden death. As Nikhil, Gogol seemed to live a different life but could not connect to his parents, his status of living between worlds and cultures, but could not connect to American culture. In reading, I think of Jesus as the mestizo and as the "Immigrant par excellence, the Marginalized One living in the both-and and beyond situation" (Phan, 174). While The Namesake does not mention religion, there is something particularly Christ-like in the character of Gogol. Gogol wanders through his life with a mixed identity of being neither Indian nor American, or being too Indian or too American; Jesus walked this earth as truly human and truly divine. Gogol is the child of immigrants trying to find his identity in a land where he doesn’t fit; Jesus is the immigrant par excellence in a world where he perfectly fits and a world he does not fit at all.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
"You hate people, yet you love gatherings"
In my small grace items, I mentioned that God finds a way to converse with me when I really need guidance. Especially when I am a theological dumb butt. And when I think my heart has been hardened and I can't sense what I'm supposed to do with my life. I may sound "Joan of Arc crazy," but I promise, I haven't heard voices in my head. Yet. And I really do love Jeanne d'Arc.
I've been having a rough time in seminary for a few reasons. I cannot gloss it over as a perfect, wonderful, amazing, blissful experience. I find myself in weird stages of doubt. Am I a devout doubter? I've found myself stressed and frustrated, wondering if I'm nuts for being a seminary student. I've been especially lonely, as my mentors are scattered across the country. My doubt clouded my judgment this morning as I was struggling with the idea of going to church. I went through the motions. Confession. Forgiveness of sins. Sharing of the peace. But it was the hymn of the day that could only be equated to God conversing with me:
"Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work’s in vain,
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.
I've been having a rough time in seminary for a few reasons. I cannot gloss it over as a perfect, wonderful, amazing, blissful experience. I find myself in weird stages of doubt. Am I a devout doubter? I've found myself stressed and frustrated, wondering if I'm nuts for being a seminary student. I've been especially lonely, as my mentors are scattered across the country. My doubt clouded my judgment this morning as I was struggling with the idea of going to church. I went through the motions. Confession. Forgiveness of sins. Sharing of the peace. But it was the hymn of the day that could only be equated to God conversing with me:
"Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work’s in vain,
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.
If you cannot preach like Peter, if you cannot pray like Paul,
You can tell the love of Jesus and say, "He died for all."
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.
Don’t ever feel discouraged, for Jesus is your friend;
And if you lack for knowledge, He’ll never refuse to lend.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul."
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