Excited Baby Voice

I have come to a stunning realization over the weekend. I cannot do "excited baby voice." I was sitting with a colleague's eight month old child, and realized that I was speaking to this child like he was a little adult. One of my friends remarked, "Can't you do 'excited baby'?" I seriously had to sit and think, can I? I scoured my brain for any bit of information and came to the stunning realization that no, I cannot seem to do "excited baby." But I also came to the realization that I may have been conditioned to react this way by my own family. My parents didn't speak to me in child-speak; they spoke to me like I was a young adult, even though I was toddling around the house as a small mass of destruction.

Does the lack of "excited baby" worry me? Sometimes. I wonder how I will speak to my own children. I want to be a loving parent, but I also want to be who God created me to be. Not everyone can do "excited baby" and I am a member of that population. But you know what? That's okay. Because God created me to be who I am, and I am also willing to let God mold me and use me. Maybe I can't do "excited baby" at this point in my life... but that doesn't mean that the Spirit cannot move within me.

Amen.

This was my favorite devotional someone brought to my Old Testament class. This version is found in The Little Book of Prayer.

I want to be saved... and I want to save.
Amen.
I want to be set free... and I want to free.
Amen.
I want to be born... and I want to give birth.
Amen.
I want to hear... and I want to be heard.
Amen.
Sweetness dances. I want to pipe; all of you dance.
Amen.
I want to run away... and I want to stay.
Amen.
I want to make you beautiful... and I want to be beautiful.
Amen.
I want to join with you... and I want to be joined.
Amen.
I have no house... and I have houses.
Amen.
I have no ground... and I have ground.
Amen.
I have no temple... and I have temples.
Amen.
If you look at me... I will be a lamp.
Amen.
If you see me... I will be a mirror.
Amen.
If you knock on me... I will be a door.
Amen.
If you are a traveler... I will be a road.
Amen.
This is my dance. Answer me with dancing.

--The Acts of John

God, God, God

I shared this poem with my Old Testament class awhile back as a devotional. I now want to share it with the two readers of this blog.

From the depth of slumber,
As I ascend the spiral stairway of wakefulness,
I whisper
God, God, God!

Thou art the food and when I break my fast
Of nightly separation from Thee
I taste thee and mentally say
God, God, God!

No matter where I go, the spotlight of my mind
Ever keeps turning on Thee;
And in the battle dim of activity my silent war cry
Is ever;
God, God, God!

When boisterous storms of trials shriek
And worries howl at me,
I drown their noises, loudly chanting
God, God, God!

When my mind weaves dreams
With treads of memories,
Then on that magic cloth I do emboss;
God, God, God!

Ever night, in time of deepest sleep,
My peace dreams and calls; Joy! Joy! Joy!
And my Joy comes singing evermore;
God, God, God!

In waking, eating, working, dreaming, sleeping,
Serving, meditating, chanting, divinely loving,
My soul constantly hums, unheard by any;
God, God, God!

- Paramahansa Yogananda

Mindfulness and Meditation

I haven't been visiting this space lately since it's been quite an adjustment to being a full-time seminarian. Life at Fuller was a bit easier when I was only going part-time; I had time to read everything that was assigned (and I read almost everything, save 30 pages for my Prophets class that wasn't going to show up on the final exam). One of the benefits of being a part-time student was the ease of having leisure time. If I needed a break in the midst of my reading and paper-writing, I took breaks for quite liberal amounts of time.

Life is different at PLTS, especially as a full-timer. This is one of the first times in my life I have to be selective about what I'm going to read; there just aren't enough hours in a day. I love what I'm learning, but in order to complete all of the reading and assignments, I won't have time to spend with the husband, eat, sleep, etc. That's not a healthy way to go through seminary. I'm also more aware of self-care this time around. It was good to be a part-time student at Fuller, because I was able to take the time for self-care. At PLTS, I'm learning that I need to make time for self-care.

Part of my explorations in self-care involves meditation. I used to do yoga on a regular basis when I lived in Glendale (it was wonderful there was a yoga class taught at church!). While I've been slacking on my yoga time, I'm becoming more aware of the need to meditate and become more aware of the environment around me. This is definitely an exercise for me, as my mind is usually running a million miles a minute with the things I need to do and the tasks I need to accomplish. I'm discovering my mind needs a break and needs to focus on relaxing.

My new focus on relaxing comes from the practice of mindfulness, of being more aware of the environment around you. Sights, sounds, smells, textures, and thinking about the here and now are practicing mindfulness. The mind is not permitted to wander to task completion or other thoughts; the focus of the mind is to be in the present. So I leave you with an exercise in mindfulness called "The Raisin Meditation."

Take two raisins. With the first raisin, do what you would automatically do; eat it. Quickly pop it in your mouth, maybe bite it once and a speedy swallow. And then look for the next one. For the second raisin it will be different!!

Hold the second raisin by the thumb and index finger. Look at it carefully. Note the creases. Rotate it and continue to look at it. Press it a little and feel the texture and transfer it to the other hand. Repeat the process. Now slowly bring to the mouth and place it on the tongue. Roll it around in the mouth and keep your self in the sensation. Move the raisin to the left, right and under the tongue. Repeat this process. All in slow motion. Now slowly take a bite – very very slowly. Feel the juice slowly coming out and relish it. Now a second bite – in slow motion. Continue this until it has been completely chewed and almost dissolved. Now slowly swallow it. Feel the emptiness in your mouth. Just close your eyes and savor this experience.

A Postmodern Seminary Vocabulary

This song has gone viral at PLTS, and I have to share the lyrics with you...

"A Postmodern Seminary Vocabulary" written by Matthew Black

When I came to seminary, I thought it would be neat
But I couldn't eat in the cafeteria; it's called the refectory
And I couldn't interpret the Pentateuch, cause exegesis is best
And they don't read the Bible here, they just call it the text

Cause here at seminary we love our vocabulary.
Don't try to say anything unless you have a dictionary.
It takes words you haven't heard to talk about these things.
For example, we all say "postmodern" but we don't know what it means.

Syncretism, papal schisms, and speaking of ecumenism,
The Trinitarian modalism of Iranaeus is an anachronism.
Let's deconstruct the Decalogue through redaction criticism.
And that would be postmodern, but I'm not sure what I mean.

Here at seminary we love our vocabulary.
Don't try to say anything unless you have a dictionary.
It takes words you haven't heard to talk about these things.
And we all say "postmodern" but we don't know what it means.

Don't call me "neo-orthodox" or I'll punch you in the mouth.
Defining terminology is all we fight about.
Conservative and liberal, multi- and cross-cultural.
Let's consider contextualization and be more pedagogical.

Here at seminary we love our vocabulary.
Don't try to say anything unless you have a dictionary.
It takes words you haven't heard to talk about these things.
And I keep saying "postmodern" but I don't know what it means.

Preach to me your homiletics and polity so you can use it.
Don't postpone my ordination cause I still can't spell "hermeneutic!"

J, P, E, D, Q. Deutero-Isaiah, too.
At least we get lots of free food, but is anyone else sick of soup?
Intertextuality might alter my pneumatology,
But so might being postmodern, and who knows what that means?

Here at seminary we love our vocabulary.
Don't try to say anything unless you have a dictionary.
It takes words you haven't heard to talk about these things.
And we all say "postmodern" but we don't know what it means

Twenty Centuries as Twenty Days

Greek at PLTS is very different from Greek at Fuller. At Fuller, the classes were structured as if the students were going on to get a PhD in Biblical Languages. I'm fairly certain that wasn't my track, so taking Greek at Fuller didn't last very long for various reasons (my right hand being in a cast for four months was one of the biggest reasons). I'm taking Greek again at PLTS, and it's a very different environment than Fuller. Greek here is much more laid back and taught as an application for ministry; if we're interested in learning more about the language, the professor is extremely helpful with resources to further advance our knowledge.

The professor at PLTS shared a poem with us the first day of class. It was written by Czeslaw Milosz in Berkeley in 1968. When he was in his 60s, he started learning Biblical Greek and Hebrew, and the following poem is about his experience.

You asked me what is the good of reading the Gospels in Greek.
I answer that it is proper that we move our finger
Along letters more enduring than those carved in stone,
And that, slowly pronouncing each syllable,
We discover the true dignity of speech.
Compelled to be attentive we shall think of that epoch
No more distant than yesterday, though the heads of caesars
On coins are different today. Yet still it is the same eon.
Fear and desire are the same, oil and wine
And bread mean the same. So does the fickleness of the throng
Avid for miracles as in the past. Even mores,
Wedding festivities, drugs, laments for the dead
Only seem to differ. Then, too, for example,
There were plenty of persons whom the text calls
Daimonizomenoi, that is, the demonized
Or, if you prefer, the bedeviled (as for "the possessed"
It's no more than the whim of a dictionary).
Convulsions, foam at the mouth, the gnashing of teeth
Were not considered signs of talent.
The demonized had no access to print and screens,
Rarely engaging in arts and literature.
But the Gospel parable remains in force:
That the spirit mastering them may enter swine,
Which, exasperated by such a sudden clash
Between two natures, theirs and the Luciferic,
Jump into water and drown (which occurs repeatedly).
And thus on every page a persistent reader
Sees twenty centuries as twenty days
In a world which one day will come to its end.

Old and New.

I've completed almost all of my classes this first week at PLTS. I'll admit, it felt (and still kind of feels) terrifying, but I'm also excited at the same time. I did appreciate my time studying at Fuller, but something was sort of off for three of the four quarters I was there. One of the biggest difficulties I had was being Lutheran. Don't get me wrong though, I do love being Lutheran, but it was actually kind of hard to be Lutheran at Fuller. In addition, I was (and still am) a new Lutheran, so I would ask off the wall and really naïve questions. My personal favorite was when I asked, "But aren't we all Christian?" during a philosophy study group. I can still hear the silence in my head... I talked a lot to one of the TAs my first quarter at Fuller, and he suggested I write a column for the school paper titled "The Lonely Lutheran." We came up with some funny article ideas, which I really wish I wrote down.

My last quarter at Fuller, things started to click. I had a regular group of friends I hung out with, and people I loved conversing and debating with. I also had friends that provided a safe space at Fuller, when I needed to verbalize why I was making such shifts in my life, and questioning if I was doing the right thing. I was really sad to leave my friends and those safe spaces.

Which brings me to PLTS. Wow, this is a crazy small community. The entering class is less than thirty students, so we've all had the chance to get to know one another. The second through fourth year students have been amazing guides in these first weeks of exploring campus and the surrounding areas. I've loved the opportunities for fellowship, prayer, conversation, and eating brownies and ice cream after Greek.

The seminary sits at the top of a hill, and the view cannot be described in words. I'm amazed with the view of the San Francisco Bay, San Francisco, the Bay Bridge, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the hills south of San Francisco. It is absolutely breathtaking. The view never gets old. I hope it never will.