Formation cannot happen in a vacuum. In order
for formation to happen, community needs to happen. Relationships need to
happen. The willingness to learn something new... to take risks... being
willing to fail can all happen. Mentors are those guides, those wise and
experienced individuals, those who have been around the block, perhaps
participated some in the “school of hard knocks” to accompany us on
fascinating, adventure filled, joyful, sorrowful journeys. It can take just one
person to plant a seed. It can take just one person to water a seedling. It can
take just one person to nurture a plant. Learning and growing is a rich
experience in community; learning from the diversity of members of the body of
Christ can enrich our faith lives and faith journeys in such amazing (and
challenging) ways.
The Forum for Theological Exploration is
inviting people to share their stories of mentors. Having one mentor is
life-giving; I don’t know what to call it if you have three. I am extremely
fortunate to have three mentors who have accompanied me in my faith journey.
One of the biggest aspects of mentorship in my life was that they were able to
see something in me that I couldn’t, or that I was just discovering. These
mentors accompanied me in this journey of exploration that led to a baptismal
font, and ultimately, as an ordained minister of Word and Sacrament in the
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.
At some critical point, I have written letters
to these three people. In the links below, I share those letters here and a brief story of how
these mentors have accompanied me to the place I find myself today. I am sad at
the brevity of the stories, though; writing the entirety of the journey would
take days and months.
The Reverend Chris Heavner
The Reverend Marcus Hess
The Reverend Ross Merkel
Monday, May 2, 2016
Mentor Story One: Chris Heavner
September
19, 2013
Dear Chris,
How do you start a letter to someone who has so changed the course of your life? How can someone offer something more than thanks and gratitude for giving me the space to discover that I am a beloved child of God, even with all of my faults, my imperfections, my issues? It seems that mere words will have to express the emotions and experiences I have with your life and celebrating your 30 years of ordained ministry.
Chris, I thank you for living up to the meaning of your name, of being a bearer of Christ to those around you. I thank you for extending to me grace, mercy, and the open space to be myself as I was traveling along in my faith journey. I thank you that on the first of those weekly meetings all those years ago, you said, “I’m not out to convert you. I just want to share this time with you.” I am grateful that you took the time to walk with me as I had questions about Christianity. I appreciated the questions you asked me about Hinduism. The time that you, Karl, and I spent together talking about faith is precious to me; I now define that time in my life as being a catechumen.
But as we both know, God does surprising things with unexpected people. Little did I know that God was reaching out for me, and I was not at all expecting to have that experience within the walls of University Lutheran Church in Clemson hearing the words to “I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry.” You continued to support me as I was baptized, and especially when I was exploring what God’s call was on my life. I knew somehow that God was calling me to a life of service, but I was still discerning what that service would look like. I am grateful also for those conversations as I was exploring going to seminary.
I am also so, so, so grateful and thankful that you came to the west coast for my ordination on such short notice. At times, I wanted to pinch you to make sure that you were really here, that you were really at my ordination, that you were really giving me one of my charges as I was getting ready to begin my life as a minister of Word and Sacrament.
Your ministry has impacted so many. Your ministry as a campus pastor has certainly changed my life, and I still marvel at how God has the paths of people intersect in amazing and astonishing ways. I continue to be amazed and astonished on the impact you have in my life, and I am forever grateful to God for you.
Your sister in Christ,
The Reverend Tuhina Verma Rasche
---
When I met Chris, I knew little about Christianity. My initial exposure was from the greater culture: I knew to expect presents on December 25th and I could wear a pretty dress and gorge myself on hard boiled eggs sometime in the spring months. When I moved to South Carolina, I was exposed to the Bible Belt of the American South. Some of that exposure left me with a bad taste in my mouth; if people claimed that they were going to hell because they were friends with a Hindu, I didn’t want anything to do with that god. Because of that god, I didn’t think too favorably about Christianity. I didn’t need Jesus to “save me.” If anything, I thought I needed to be saved from a god who encouraged narrow-mindedness.
I met Chris in the fall of 1998; I was a sophomore at Clemson University. Leigh Roberson, a dear friend, invited me to a student meal. Every part of my body screamed “NO” at the invitation as I had previously been offended by people professing a Christian faith... but when she mentioned that the meal was home-cooked and (best of all) free, I quickly changed my mind and asked when we were going to be headed out. There’s something to be said about hunger; I had a physical hunger that evening, but with Chris, I also discovered I had a spiritual hunger as well.
Dear Chris,
How do you start a letter to someone who has so changed the course of your life? How can someone offer something more than thanks and gratitude for giving me the space to discover that I am a beloved child of God, even with all of my faults, my imperfections, my issues? It seems that mere words will have to express the emotions and experiences I have with your life and celebrating your 30 years of ordained ministry.
Chris, I thank you for living up to the meaning of your name, of being a bearer of Christ to those around you. I thank you for extending to me grace, mercy, and the open space to be myself as I was traveling along in my faith journey. I thank you that on the first of those weekly meetings all those years ago, you said, “I’m not out to convert you. I just want to share this time with you.” I am grateful that you took the time to walk with me as I had questions about Christianity. I appreciated the questions you asked me about Hinduism. The time that you, Karl, and I spent together talking about faith is precious to me; I now define that time in my life as being a catechumen.
But as we both know, God does surprising things with unexpected people. Little did I know that God was reaching out for me, and I was not at all expecting to have that experience within the walls of University Lutheran Church in Clemson hearing the words to “I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry.” You continued to support me as I was baptized, and especially when I was exploring what God’s call was on my life. I knew somehow that God was calling me to a life of service, but I was still discerning what that service would look like. I am grateful also for those conversations as I was exploring going to seminary.
I am also so, so, so grateful and thankful that you came to the west coast for my ordination on such short notice. At times, I wanted to pinch you to make sure that you were really here, that you were really at my ordination, that you were really giving me one of my charges as I was getting ready to begin my life as a minister of Word and Sacrament.
Your ministry has impacted so many. Your ministry as a campus pastor has certainly changed my life, and I still marvel at how God has the paths of people intersect in amazing and astonishing ways. I continue to be amazed and astonished on the impact you have in my life, and I am forever grateful to God for you.
Your sister in Christ,
The Reverend Tuhina Verma Rasche
---
When I met Chris, I knew little about Christianity. My initial exposure was from the greater culture: I knew to expect presents on December 25th and I could wear a pretty dress and gorge myself on hard boiled eggs sometime in the spring months. When I moved to South Carolina, I was exposed to the Bible Belt of the American South. Some of that exposure left me with a bad taste in my mouth; if people claimed that they were going to hell because they were friends with a Hindu, I didn’t want anything to do with that god. Because of that god, I didn’t think too favorably about Christianity. I didn’t need Jesus to “save me.” If anything, I thought I needed to be saved from a god who encouraged narrow-mindedness.
I met Chris in the fall of 1998; I was a sophomore at Clemson University. Leigh Roberson, a dear friend, invited me to a student meal. Every part of my body screamed “NO” at the invitation as I had previously been offended by people professing a Christian faith... but when she mentioned that the meal was home-cooked and (best of all) free, I quickly changed my mind and asked when we were going to be headed out. There’s something to be said about hunger; I had a physical hunger that evening, but with Chris, I also discovered I had a spiritual hunger as well.
I was introduced to Chris and the students of
Clemson’s Lutheran Campus Ministry. Chris and the other students were kind and
invited me into their fellowship; I didn’t feel the oppression of having to be
someone I was not within this Christian setting. I could be my entire Hindu,
hungry self.
Chris gave me the space to ask a multitude of questions. Some of the questions were fairly simple, but could lead to a paradoxically complex response. Questions such as
Chris gave me the space to ask a multitude of questions. Some of the questions were fairly simple, but could lead to a paradoxically complex response. Questions such as
“Why do you sit down and stand over and over
again during worship?”
“Do all churches have Bibles in the pews?”
“Why is Good Friday called a ‘good Friday’?”
Chris also asked me questions about my faith life at home as a practicing Hindu. The time with Chris was not a pressured sales pitch on Christianity, but it was instead an amazing and earnest dialogue of beliefs and experiences. Because Chris and I had a relationship where we valued and respected one another, we felt comfortable in open and honest conversation. We were able to hold our differences and love and respect one another. Because of our relationship, I was able to learn so much about the church... and about myself.
When I was discerning if I should go to seminary, Chris was one of the first people I called. I’m assuming he was surprised at this point of my journey, but he was one of the best conversation partners in my discernment process. When I hit a rough patch in seminary, Chris was present with a cup of coffee, a listening ear, and a pastoral presence when I visited South Carolina. We ended up in Chicago at the same time in 2011. I had the opportunity to see the city through his eyes as we walked around the city where he received his seminary education. I asked him so many questions about parish ministry. I still recall what he told me that day about what he learned in parish and campus ministry: “Love your people.” I took those three words with me when I started my internship at St. Paul Lutheran Church, Oakland and Lutheran Ministry to Nursing Homes. It sounded like a simple lesson, but in this broken world, it was one of the most beautiful and complex lessons that Chris passed on to me. Love your people, even if one of them grabs your ass while distributing communion in a nursing home dining room (yes, that happened). Love your people, even if there is a situation of intense conflict. Love your people in their sorrows and their joys.
Internship concluded. Seminary concluded. “The Draft” (otherwise known as the assignment process)
concluded. Waiting...
concluded. The people of St. Paul, my internship site, further affirmed my call
to ministry by calling me to be their pastor alongside their current pastor.
Even though there was a schedule conflict, Chris rearranged his schedule so
that he could give me one of the charges at my ordination. Having the
opportunity to serve communion while he was present cannot be put into words.
Chris also asked me questions about my faith life at home as a practicing Hindu. The time with Chris was not a pressured sales pitch on Christianity, but it was instead an amazing and earnest dialogue of beliefs and experiences. Because Chris and I had a relationship where we valued and respected one another, we felt comfortable in open and honest conversation. We were able to hold our differences and love and respect one another. Because of our relationship, I was able to learn so much about the church... and about myself.
When I was discerning if I should go to seminary, Chris was one of the first people I called. I’m assuming he was surprised at this point of my journey, but he was one of the best conversation partners in my discernment process. When I hit a rough patch in seminary, Chris was present with a cup of coffee, a listening ear, and a pastoral presence when I visited South Carolina. We ended up in Chicago at the same time in 2011. I had the opportunity to see the city through his eyes as we walked around the city where he received his seminary education. I asked him so many questions about parish ministry. I still recall what he told me that day about what he learned in parish and campus ministry: “Love your people.” I took those three words with me when I started my internship at St. Paul Lutheran Church, Oakland and Lutheran Ministry to Nursing Homes. It sounded like a simple lesson, but in this broken world, it was one of the most beautiful and complex lessons that Chris passed on to me. Love your people, even if one of them grabs your ass while distributing communion in a nursing home dining room (yes, that happened). Love your people, even if there is a situation of intense conflict. Love your people in their sorrows and their joys.
Internship concluded. Seminary concluded. “The Draft” (otherwise known as the assignment process)
Chris has become more than a mentor now; he is
family.
Mentor Story Two: Marcus Hess
Dearest
Marcus,
I wish I knew what to write. There’s a flood of thoughts that don’t really have words that can really express what I feel. Ultimately, I am so, so thankful and grateful to God that our paths crossed in such an incredible way. In the midst of this grief, I continue to give thanks to God for your presence in my life and in Karl’s life. You have journeyed with us to places of joy, but also to places of deep sorrow.
Much of my grief comes from expectations that I had that may not be met. I was hoping that you would stand with Ross Merkel, my internship supervisor from St. Paul in Oakland, for my ordination service. I was hoping that if Karl and I were ever to be blessed with children, that you could serve as their godparent and walk with them in their faith journey. But part of this grief comes from my heart turned inward on itself.
I turn outward with God’s love and grace. With that abounding love and grace, I write this while weeping with a joyful heart. The joy comes from your presence in my life, and this is evidenced in the photographs that are included in this letter. Photographs of you, Karl, and me during your ministry at Salem. Photographs of us as you became more than a pastor to me, but a close friend and colleague. Then there are the photographs of seeds planted by the Holy Spirit through your ministry. I desperately want you to see the seeds the Holy Spirit planted through your ministry. I wanted you to see Karl and me after the first time I preached at Salem, standing at the font where I died and became anew. I wanted you to see me take on the yoke of ministry, distributing the sacrament of Holy Communion. I wanted you to see that the Spirit was on to something when you told me that I should go to seminary. I don’t regret telling you, “You ought to take that and shove it up your ass.” I don’t regret it because I see how the living God comes to surprise us in the most unexpected of places. Little did I know that when you invited yourself to Karl’s and my apartment back in 2006, our lives would never be the same. I will continue to be grateful to God for that.
We will continue to commune together, wherever and whenever we are.
All my love,
Tuhina
I truly believe Marcus saw something in me that I could not see. We were both new, in a way. He was the new interim pastor at Salem Lutheran Church in Glendale, CA. Karl and I were also new; we were sort of transient church-goers and would show up at church from time to time. At a church event, Marcus came to sit with Karl and me. When he discovered that my mother had stacked up our pantry with new and fresh Indian spices, Marcus invited himself over to dinner. Sadly, Marcus did not know that I am actually an awful cook (he professed much later in our relationship that he had a hard time eating dinner that night. He felt obliged to eat the very subpar Indian food I cooked that evening because we had just met and he invited himself to our apartment).
Because I was so curious about this man who
invited himself into Karl’s and my apartment and our lives, we would get
together over a cup of chai often. It was over a cup of chai that I had my
“Ethiopian eunuch” moment with Marcus (yeah, I realize a lot of people cannot
claim a moment as such. That’s why I want to own it). I told Marcus that I
wanted to be baptized. He presided over my baptism on May 6, 2007. The day was
an absolute blur. Some moments I remember with great clarity, while I am
grateful for pictures taken that day because I could not recall some of the
events. On May 14, 2007, Marcus and I met for a cup of chai; he told me that I
should go to seminary. I thought he was crazy. I told him as much. Years later,
I angrily yelled at him, told him he changed the course of my life on that day and
I was upset because I wanted to have “control” over my life. He told me that it
wasn’t just some nifty idea; he was following the moves of the Spirit.
Marcus was my John the Baptist. He was the voice that cried out from the wilderness. He had the voice that told truth, even if that truth was hard to hear. He was a beautiful man, and a damn fine pastor. Marcus taught me that the Gospel, that the risen Christ, can radically change a person’s life. He showed me how to live joyfully. He also showed me how to die gracefully. If I learned anything from Marcus, it is that in baptism, we are tied to Christ’s death... and to Christ’s resurrection. He taught me that Christians are a people of both Good Friday and Easter Sunday. He taught me that the risen Christ not only appears in the breaking of bread at the altar in a sanctuary, but also in fellowship over a poorly cooked meal.
I wish I knew what to write. There’s a flood of thoughts that don’t really have words that can really express what I feel. Ultimately, I am so, so thankful and grateful to God that our paths crossed in such an incredible way. In the midst of this grief, I continue to give thanks to God for your presence in my life and in Karl’s life. You have journeyed with us to places of joy, but also to places of deep sorrow.
Much of my grief comes from expectations that I had that may not be met. I was hoping that you would stand with Ross Merkel, my internship supervisor from St. Paul in Oakland, for my ordination service. I was hoping that if Karl and I were ever to be blessed with children, that you could serve as their godparent and walk with them in their faith journey. But part of this grief comes from my heart turned inward on itself.
I turn outward with God’s love and grace. With that abounding love and grace, I write this while weeping with a joyful heart. The joy comes from your presence in my life, and this is evidenced in the photographs that are included in this letter. Photographs of you, Karl, and me during your ministry at Salem. Photographs of us as you became more than a pastor to me, but a close friend and colleague. Then there are the photographs of seeds planted by the Holy Spirit through your ministry. I desperately want you to see the seeds the Holy Spirit planted through your ministry. I wanted you to see Karl and me after the first time I preached at Salem, standing at the font where I died and became anew. I wanted you to see me take on the yoke of ministry, distributing the sacrament of Holy Communion. I wanted you to see that the Spirit was on to something when you told me that I should go to seminary. I don’t regret telling you, “You ought to take that and shove it up your ass.” I don’t regret it because I see how the living God comes to surprise us in the most unexpected of places. Little did I know that when you invited yourself to Karl’s and my apartment back in 2006, our lives would never be the same. I will continue to be grateful to God for that.
We will continue to commune together, wherever and whenever we are.
All my love,
Tuhina
I truly believe Marcus saw something in me that I could not see. We were both new, in a way. He was the new interim pastor at Salem Lutheran Church in Glendale, CA. Karl and I were also new; we were sort of transient church-goers and would show up at church from time to time. At a church event, Marcus came to sit with Karl and me. When he discovered that my mother had stacked up our pantry with new and fresh Indian spices, Marcus invited himself over to dinner. Sadly, Marcus did not know that I am actually an awful cook (he professed much later in our relationship that he had a hard time eating dinner that night. He felt obliged to eat the very subpar Indian food I cooked that evening because we had just met and he invited himself to our apartment).
Because I was so curious about this man who
invited himself into Karl’s and my apartment and our lives, we would get
together over a cup of chai often. It was over a cup of chai that I had my
“Ethiopian eunuch” moment with Marcus (yeah, I realize a lot of people cannot
claim a moment as such. That’s why I want to own it). I told Marcus that I
wanted to be baptized. He presided over my baptism on May 6, 2007. The day was
an absolute blur. Some moments I remember with great clarity, while I am
grateful for pictures taken that day because I could not recall some of the
events. On May 14, 2007, Marcus and I met for a cup of chai; he told me that I
should go to seminary. I thought he was crazy. I told him as much. Years later,
I angrily yelled at him, told him he changed the course of my life on that day and
I was upset because I wanted to have “control” over my life. He told me that it
wasn’t just some nifty idea; he was following the moves of the Spirit.Marcus was my John the Baptist. He was the voice that cried out from the wilderness. He had the voice that told truth, even if that truth was hard to hear. He was a beautiful man, and a damn fine pastor. Marcus taught me that the Gospel, that the risen Christ, can radically change a person’s life. He showed me how to live joyfully. He also showed me how to die gracefully. If I learned anything from Marcus, it is that in baptism, we are tied to Christ’s death... and to Christ’s resurrection. He taught me that Christians are a people of both Good Friday and Easter Sunday. He taught me that the risen Christ not only appears in the breaking of bread at the altar in a sanctuary, but also in fellowship over a poorly cooked meal.
Mentor Story Three: Ross Merkel
Dear
Ross,
I don’t really know what we thought of one another when we first met. I find it pretty funny that our first meeting was immensely uneventful, something that can be easily forgotten... except for my bit of kleptomania in stealing your pen. I recall that I found you to be odd; you really, really, really wanted that pen back.
Honestly, I still think you’re odd, and I mean that in the best way possible.
We met again when I came to interview at St. Paul for my internship placement in early 2011. I remember leaving your office excited and terrified of the possibilities of having you as my internship supervisor. I continue to be grateful to God to this day that I was at St. Paul for internship and that I have you as a mentor. You became my supervisor during a point where I was still trying to discern my call; I was frustrated with the injustices within our denomination and I was ready to call it quits and return to being a housewife eating bonbons all day. You were open and honest with your struggles with the ELCA; you taught me that while the easier thing may be to quit and walk away (and eat delicious bonbons), following God’s call is not the easier thing to do. If I really wanted to enact change, you taught me that I had to be within the structures and systems of power because within the walls, I can still have a say.
God places people where God needs them at points in our chronos existence, thereby transforming our chronological lives to get a glimpse of what God does in kairos time. I truly believe that is how you came to be at St. Paul and why your ministry has not only endured, but also flourished. You have shown so many people time and time again how the resurrected Christ is at work in the world, especially when we respond to our neighbor in need. You have also formed and shaped a new generation of pastors to challenge the church and the status quo for the sake of the Gospel.
There are not enough words to convey what I want to say about the impact of your ministry in the greater church and the world. There are not enough words to express what I want to say about our relationship... but will there ever be enough words? Will there ever be enough time? I know that come September 15th, when the Pastors’ Study becomes the Pastor’s Study, life at St. Paul will be incredibly quiet and I will very much miss you. God be with you and Bob as you venture into the next part of your journey.
Your brown sister in Christ,
Pastor Tuhina Verma Rasche
Ross taught me about being a shepherd. He taught
me about being a resident theologian. He also taught me about loving my
neighbor, and what a glimpse of the Kingdom can look like when an entire
community can come to love their neighbor.
In all honesty, when I came to Ross as an intern, I was a bundle of sad and angry emotions. I felt that as a brown woman and a convert to Christianity, I didn’t have a place within the church. I felt that I was hitting my head against a wall. I was tired of being nice to people when they gave me backhanded compliments. I was tired of not speaking up for myself. I told Ross on my first day of internship that if “the experience sucked,” I would quit. He told me that his wish for my internship was to have a formative experience in building my pastoral identity. He told me that he had high expectations and that he was not likely to back down. That first day of putting everything on the table set the tone for our relationship.
I didn’t know much of Ross’s story with the greater church when I came to him as an intern. I came to learn it through the people of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Oakland (I still think that I am the only intern [or at least one of a very few] in the ELCA who started their first Sunday of internship at a Pride festival). I continued to learn about it when I was called to St. Paul to be Ross’s colleague in ministry. I learned from Ross that living out the Gospel is far from the easy; the Gospel calls us into uncomfortable places. The Gospel calls us into places where we can be persecuted. But it is also the Gospel that sets us free. We are to live out the fullness of who God created each and every one of us to be. We are to love our neighbor in the fullness of who God created our neighbor to be, and that call to love can be complicated. Ross preached, taught, and proclaimed that God’s people were to feed Jesus’ sheep through agape love. Ross showed me that through the Living Word, through our own hands and feet as the risen Christ in the world, we (God’s people) are to feed Jesus’ sheep. He taught me so much about agape love; that self-pouring out, the self-giving love of one’s self for our neighbor in need. Sometimes that agape love brings joy; sometimes it was accompanied by heartache. Ross taught me this by living it out in his ministry, that he shared joys and struggles with the congregation, and in the midst of many events both good and bad, he continued to tell us and show me where the Holy Spirit is at work in the midst of our elation... and in our scars. Ross taught me that the Gospel has something to say in every. single. aspect. of our lives. I learned that this is tied to liturgy. Liturgy is not just some thing that Christians do on Sunday; liturgy is living an entire life of worshiping God. Liturgy is the “work of the people.” I learned from Ross that everything we do in social justice, worship, and the entirety of our lives is to proclaim the Gospel.
I don’t really know what we thought of one another when we first met. I find it pretty funny that our first meeting was immensely uneventful, something that can be easily forgotten... except for my bit of kleptomania in stealing your pen. I recall that I found you to be odd; you really, really, really wanted that pen back.
Honestly, I still think you’re odd, and I mean that in the best way possible.
We met again when I came to interview at St. Paul for my internship placement in early 2011. I remember leaving your office excited and terrified of the possibilities of having you as my internship supervisor. I continue to be grateful to God to this day that I was at St. Paul for internship and that I have you as a mentor. You became my supervisor during a point where I was still trying to discern my call; I was frustrated with the injustices within our denomination and I was ready to call it quits and return to being a housewife eating bonbons all day. You were open and honest with your struggles with the ELCA; you taught me that while the easier thing may be to quit and walk away (and eat delicious bonbons), following God’s call is not the easier thing to do. If I really wanted to enact change, you taught me that I had to be within the structures and systems of power because within the walls, I can still have a say.
God places people where God needs them at points in our chronos existence, thereby transforming our chronological lives to get a glimpse of what God does in kairos time. I truly believe that is how you came to be at St. Paul and why your ministry has not only endured, but also flourished. You have shown so many people time and time again how the resurrected Christ is at work in the world, especially when we respond to our neighbor in need. You have also formed and shaped a new generation of pastors to challenge the church and the status quo for the sake of the Gospel.
There are not enough words to convey what I want to say about the impact of your ministry in the greater church and the world. There are not enough words to express what I want to say about our relationship... but will there ever be enough words? Will there ever be enough time? I know that come September 15th, when the Pastors’ Study becomes the Pastor’s Study, life at St. Paul will be incredibly quiet and I will very much miss you. God be with you and Bob as you venture into the next part of your journey.
Your brown sister in Christ,
Pastor Tuhina Verma Rasche
In all honesty, when I came to Ross as an intern, I was a bundle of sad and angry emotions. I felt that as a brown woman and a convert to Christianity, I didn’t have a place within the church. I felt that I was hitting my head against a wall. I was tired of being nice to people when they gave me backhanded compliments. I was tired of not speaking up for myself. I told Ross on my first day of internship that if “the experience sucked,” I would quit. He told me that his wish for my internship was to have a formative experience in building my pastoral identity. He told me that he had high expectations and that he was not likely to back down. That first day of putting everything on the table set the tone for our relationship.
I didn’t know much of Ross’s story with the greater church when I came to him as an intern. I came to learn it through the people of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Oakland (I still think that I am the only intern [or at least one of a very few] in the ELCA who started their first Sunday of internship at a Pride festival). I continued to learn about it when I was called to St. Paul to be Ross’s colleague in ministry. I learned from Ross that living out the Gospel is far from the easy; the Gospel calls us into uncomfortable places. The Gospel calls us into places where we can be persecuted. But it is also the Gospel that sets us free. We are to live out the fullness of who God created each and every one of us to be. We are to love our neighbor in the fullness of who God created our neighbor to be, and that call to love can be complicated. Ross preached, taught, and proclaimed that God’s people were to feed Jesus’ sheep through agape love. Ross showed me that through the Living Word, through our own hands and feet as the risen Christ in the world, we (God’s people) are to feed Jesus’ sheep. He taught me so much about agape love; that self-pouring out, the self-giving love of one’s self for our neighbor in need. Sometimes that agape love brings joy; sometimes it was accompanied by heartache. Ross taught me this by living it out in his ministry, that he shared joys and struggles with the congregation, and in the midst of many events both good and bad, he continued to tell us and show me where the Holy Spirit is at work in the midst of our elation... and in our scars. Ross taught me that the Gospel has something to say in every. single. aspect. of our lives. I learned that this is tied to liturgy. Liturgy is not just some thing that Christians do on Sunday; liturgy is living an entire life of worshiping God. Liturgy is the “work of the people.” I learned from Ross that everything we do in social justice, worship, and the entirety of our lives is to proclaim the Gospel.
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
#DecolonizeLutheranism
Article IV: Of Justification.
1] Also they teach that men cannot be justified before God by their own strength, merits, or works, but are freely justified for 2] Christ's sake, through faith, when they believe that they are received into favor, and that their sins are forgiven for Christ's sake, who, by His death, has made satisfaction for our sins. 3] This faith God imputes for righteousness in His sight. Rom. 3 and 4.
I never set out to be a Christian. I never wanted to be a pastor. But alas, here I am, an ordained minister of Word and Sacrament in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I had an experience with the resurrected Christ that changed my life, and because that experience resonated so deeply with my soul, I couldn't turn away. Nothing in my conversion experience made sense; if anything, I wrestled with it for almost a decade, until I stood at a font on May 6, 2007. As much as I wanted to turn my back on the resurrected Christ,
I.
Just.
Couldn't.
But I cannot (and most certainly do not) want to lobotomize who I was and my life experiences that led up to that day in Salem Lutheran Church in Glendale, California. The rich culture from my heritage, my life experiences, the formation and guidance I received from friends and family came to construct the lens in which I view the world, a "terministic screen" if you will. I still think about the formation of my prayer life with my family. I still think about (and believe) that everything has a connection being a part of God's created world. I still think about the Trimurti, but how that has shifted and changed and transformed as a believer in the Trinitarian God.
I will also not assimilate to an ethnic notion of Lutheranism; I simply cannot and will not be something that I cannot be. There is a personal note to this; I think of my beloved maternal grandfather. He was a kind and brilliant man. He was so eloquent in his writing and speaking. And while he was studying to get his Masters degree, he was a part of the student movement in India's struggle for Independence from the Empire. His blood flows in my veins. He taught me to love words and literature. His history has shaped my own. Because of my beloved grandfather, I too love words. I too love literature. And maybe it's because of him that in the past days with #decolonizelutheranism, I have felt something stir within me and my passion for the church of Christ. I have a deep love and weird fascination in this spiritual home in which I've been led. I rather enjoy jabbing with my friends and colleagues on so many aspects of Lutheran theology. But when that theology becomes intertwined with an ethnic identity is when the stranger does not seem to be welcome. I only want to be who God created me to be; a broken being who is forgiven. I also will not be quiet. I know that I have come to serve within a denomination that has its roots firmly planted in Europe. But they are roots... roots grow out into shrubs, trees, flowers... roots that branch out into new and exciting and beautiful (and honestly, weird and sometimes scary and outright bizarre) areas.
Christ is the center of everything for me... but it is through the weirdness of my cultural background and life experiences that allow me to embrace the resurrection of Christ that much more. It is through the lens of my culture and my lived experiences that I can share the Gospel and tell the story of the risen Lord. I can tell and show that...
I believe in the Holy Spirit.
I believe in the holy catholic Church.
I believe in the communion of saints.
I believe in the forgiveness of sins.
I believe in the resurrection of the body.
I believe in the life everlasting.
Amen.
--
ETA: My friend and colleague, Jeremy Serrano, answers the question, "What does a Lutheran look like?" at his blog.
1] Also they teach that men cannot be justified before God by their own strength, merits, or works, but are freely justified for 2] Christ's sake, through faith, when they believe that they are received into favor, and that their sins are forgiven for Christ's sake, who, by His death, has made satisfaction for our sins. 3] This faith God imputes for righteousness in His sight. Rom. 3 and 4.
Image created by Jason Chesnut
I never set out to be a Christian. I never wanted to be a pastor. But alas, here I am, an ordained minister of Word and Sacrament in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I had an experience with the resurrected Christ that changed my life, and because that experience resonated so deeply with my soul, I couldn't turn away. Nothing in my conversion experience made sense; if anything, I wrestled with it for almost a decade, until I stood at a font on May 6, 2007. As much as I wanted to turn my back on the resurrected Christ,
I.
Just.
Couldn't.
But I cannot (and most certainly do not) want to lobotomize who I was and my life experiences that led up to that day in Salem Lutheran Church in Glendale, California. The rich culture from my heritage, my life experiences, the formation and guidance I received from friends and family came to construct the lens in which I view the world, a "terministic screen" if you will. I still think about the formation of my prayer life with my family. I still think about (and believe) that everything has a connection being a part of God's created world. I still think about the Trimurti, but how that has shifted and changed and transformed as a believer in the Trinitarian God.
I will also not assimilate to an ethnic notion of Lutheranism; I simply cannot and will not be something that I cannot be. There is a personal note to this; I think of my beloved maternal grandfather. He was a kind and brilliant man. He was so eloquent in his writing and speaking. And while he was studying to get his Masters degree, he was a part of the student movement in India's struggle for Independence from the Empire. His blood flows in my veins. He taught me to love words and literature. His history has shaped my own. Because of my beloved grandfather, I too love words. I too love literature. And maybe it's because of him that in the past days with #decolonizelutheranism, I have felt something stir within me and my passion for the church of Christ. I have a deep love and weird fascination in this spiritual home in which I've been led. I rather enjoy jabbing with my friends and colleagues on so many aspects of Lutheran theology. But when that theology becomes intertwined with an ethnic identity is when the stranger does not seem to be welcome. I only want to be who God created me to be; a broken being who is forgiven. I also will not be quiet. I know that I have come to serve within a denomination that has its roots firmly planted in Europe. But they are roots... roots grow out into shrubs, trees, flowers... roots that branch out into new and exciting and beautiful (and honestly, weird and sometimes scary and outright bizarre) areas.
Christ is the center of everything for me... but it is through the weirdness of my cultural background and life experiences that allow me to embrace the resurrection of Christ that much more. It is through the lens of my culture and my lived experiences that I can share the Gospel and tell the story of the risen Lord. I can tell and show that...
I believe in the Holy Spirit.
I believe in the holy catholic Church.
I believe in the communion of saints.
I believe in the forgiveness of sins.
I believe in the resurrection of the body.
I believe in the life everlasting.
Amen.
--
ETA: My friend and colleague, Jeremy Serrano, answers the question, "What does a Lutheran look like?" at his blog.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Brief thoughts on the stench of death.
I’ve been reading this week’s Gospel lesson attempting to
prepare a sermon for All Saints Sunday. I desperately want to talk about the
promise and hope of resurrection because that is what I am to proclaim as a
Christian. I find that proclamation to be difficult today because I find myself
to be stuck in the tomb. There’s a stench that
comes with being sealed in a tomb. There’s the physical stench, the decomposing and decay of a
human body that once was. But I think there’s another stench; the social
stench.
I’ve come to know experiences with death this year that I
wish I didn’t. I saw my father, a man who lived life large and
unapologetically, wither away to almost a skeleton covered with skin. The man
who was larger than life died a death that whittled him down to skin and bones.
That death took place on June 3, 2015. Today is the eve of All Hallow’s Eve.
Almost five months have passed, and I realize that in some ways, I carry the
social stench of my father’s death. I still grieve. My lens on how I see death
and resurrection has been forever altered. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s
not.
What is this social stench? I’m not entirely sure, but I can
try to describe parts of it. I know that I will never be the same person after
the evening of June 3, 2015. That morning, I had a father. Later that evening,
I didn’t. There is a boundary line drawn on that day that cannot be erased on
this side of the eschaton. I know that my mom’s life, my brother’s life, and my
life will never be the same. I become emotional when I talk about my dad and
the things that he enjoyed. I become emotional whenever I think about calling
him. I become emotional with the realization that he never got the experience
of being a grandparent. Simply put, I become emotional.
This is not to say that I have been emotional twenty-four
hours a day, seven days a week. But that grief is beautiful and complicated and
painful, and it sneaks up on me when I least expect. Sometimes it happens when
I sit by myself. Sometimes it happens when I’m in conversation with someone.
Sometimes it wakes me up in the middle of the night and I stare at the ceiling.
It is there.
Sometimes the grief is overwhelming, I feel like I am in the
clutches of grief and it will swallow me whole, devouring every sense of my
being. There are other times where it is a slight pang of sadness, a gentle
little wave that comes in and pools around my feet. Sometimes, I don’t even
notice that it’s there. Sometimes grief feels like the stench of death is oozing out of my pores. That stench feels like the Ruth
to my Naomi, and not in a good way.
I think the social stench has impacted how I am in
relationship with those around me. Relationships that I had with friends that
entailed long conversations into the night are now silent. Sometimes I don’t
know what to say; sometimes they don’t know what to say. We stare at each other
in silence across an abyss of experience and sadness. Perhaps that chasm will close as
time progresses. Perhaps it won’t?
With death and decay comes something that continues to
surprise me: compost. New relationships have grown out of the social stench of
death. New growth has come in conversations where I was previously too meek to
contribute. But honestly, I still struggle. I still have days where I seem to
move through the five stages of grief multiple times a day. I still feel this
ache in my heart where an emptiness now resides.
But that’s the thing about
compost... something will grow.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Sermon for the Opening Worship for the Multicultural Youth Leadership Event (MYLE) in Detroit, MI, July 12, 2015
You’d
think talking about the Gospel is an easy thing, right? Well... talking about
the Gospel, well, sometimes it’s not an easy thing. Then there’s that whole
thing of living out the Gospel... I think the church is entering a time where
we’re going to have a lot of hard conversations about racism. About sexism.
About gender orientation. About ability. There’s a lot of stuff that is uneasy
to talk about in the world today, and there are issues that as a church, we
will have to talk about them! I’m going to be honest, there are a lot of truths
that we will have to face. We will have to face them together. Scales may fall
from our eyes and we will see a new world and a new reality. We will have to
learn (and maybe even relearn) how to be in community with one another. The big
question comes, “How are we gonna do that?”
Let’s
start with why we’re here, with our theme for MYLE. We’re have two verses from
Mark’s Gospel:
“you
shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and
with
all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your
strength.”
The second is this, “You shall love your neighbor
as
yourself.” There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Boom.
With these two verses, I could just say sermon done, see ya. But let’s talk
about love. Easy, right? I mean, it’s a four-letter word. There are so many
things to be said about love, but defining this four-letter word... not so
easy! A lot of times, I wonder if we know what we’re talking about when we talk
about love; like, I love my family, but I love... a taco? Is that the same kind
of love? Sure, we could talk about the movies we love, the music we love, the
clothes we love, the games we love and do that easily... but the Gospel, the
good news of Jesus Christ, love incarnate? To
tell people about something that is well, challenging and beautiful and
difficult that definitely involves love... it sure isn’t easy.
I
want to tell you a story about love.
I
didn’t grow up in a church community; I grew up in a devout Hindu family. There
isn’t anything wrong with that; I love my parents and brother (and I love them
more than tacos). But either I was too Indian to be American or too American to
be Indian, so I lived my life in this “in-between” space, not knowing where I
belonged. I didn’t know if I had a place where I actually, really belonged,
which is where church comes into my life. I started going to church when I was
in college in rural South Carolina because 1) a friend invited me to go and 2)
she told me there was going to be free food. My friend knew that I grew up in a
Hindu family and she took a risk in inviting me. She knew I didn’t want to go
to church because I was scared to hear that God didn’t love me because I was a
Hindu living in the buckle of the Bible Belt. But I took a risk, too, and I took
her up on her invitation. And I went back to that church week after week; it
wasn’t awful! I thought I was being fed physically, but I was also being fed spiritually.
But
there’s one Sunday I want to tell you about. I was minding my own business at
that church in rural South Carolina on a Sunday morning at an 8:30AM service. I
say this because I was an oddball at this service. Youngest person by a couple
of decades. Darker skin than most people there. Oh yeah, and a Hindu. I was getting
ready to stand up to sing a hymn. As everyone around me in church is singing
this hymn... I’m sure God’s in church. I mean, I know, God’s supposed to be in
church, right? But this was God. In church. Like God’s presence being so
massive, like the presence of the Holy Spirit filling the place up, I was
really thinking the roof was just going to come off the building because that
church. was. full. with the Holy Spirit’s presence. I was
freaking out, crying. It was at that moment that I knew I was loved. That God,
by way of the Holy Spirit, was coming to me, yes, me, and letting me know, I
LOVE YOU. For everything that I am. For who I was created to be. As this
complete outsider on so many levels, it just didn’t make sense. But there are
just some things that don’t make sense, like God’s love, grace, and mercy being
extended to all of us and we don’t have to do a single thing for that. When I
felt God’s presence, God’s love, and can you guess how I felt? Excited?
Thrilled? Happy?
I was
terrified. Scared. To. Death. Because while I was minding my own business in
church singing a hymn, God comes to me and tells me that hey, I love you. But God revealing God’s self to me in
that moment wasn’t only just about God loving me. No, this is where it gets
scary and complicated; if God is real and loves me, that means I’m called to
love others. There’s this term called imago
dei, it means the image of God, and we are all created in that image. There
is no exclusion, there is no in or out crowd. God’s not just some old white
dude with a long, flowing beard. God... is in the face of the person standing
next to you. Really look at the people around you. You are looking at the face
of God. In that moment at that church service, I realized that God loved me for
being me, and in turn, God was calling me to love others as God created them to
be. From that moment on, my life changed forever; I was being folded into God’s
agape love story.
What
is that agape love story? Agape love is the self-pouring out, the self-emptying
love. The loving entirely for the neighbor. The other. Even the enemy. But I
also want to be clear, this is not to be a doormat, not to be taken advantage
of, not to be abused. Agape love is far from that. We have the most incredible
example of agape love. Agape love is the love shown to us in Jesus Christ in
his life, death, and especially his resurrection.
Jesus is God made flesh, God loving us, showing us that love is more than a
mere sentiment, but a way of life and of love that is open to us all. To
let that agape love be genuine... and how we are called in our own ways to
manifest that agape love in the world is us coming together in Detroit. To love
our neighbor. To see God in the face of the person we work with. To being open
to being folded into that agape love. All so that we may bring God’s kingdom
come on earth as it is in heaven. That’s where Jesus’ call of “Hear, O Israel”
comes into this agape love story. Our God is not an exclusionary God who says,
okay, you here, but not you here. God doesn’t work like that. This is a world
that desperately needs to see, experience, and feel God’s agape love, to truly
know what that love does. This is a
call for you and me, all who are baptized in Jesus Christ, to come together,
our hands and feet and hearts and voices to live out that petition of the
Lord’s Prayer, “thy Kingdom come, thy will be done... ON EARTH AS IT IS IN
HEAVEN.”
So
what’s love got to do with it? Well... a lot.
Out
of the over 600 laws of Torah, part of the Old Testament, Jesus responded by
quoting Moses, stating, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.”
Those four, the heart, soul, mind, and strength, that is all of who you are. God loves you enough to create you to be the
beautiful being you are; the entirety of
who you are. But Jesus isn’t done responding to the scribe. Jesus quotes
the Old Testament AGAIN, using words out of Leviticus, saying, “And a second is
like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” This is a love that is
expressed in action. Not just “be nice to the person sitting next to you” kind
of action, but to be holy to one another, to see the face of God in one another,
and to see God in yourself. Others
cannot deny your identity in the entirety of who God created you to be; others
cannot deny your identity tied to the promise of resurrection and love in
Christ Jesus. We are all tied together; we are accountable to one another as
siblings in Christ. If our neighbor is in need, we’re called to respond to
them; if our neighbor sees us in need, they’re called to respond to us.
But
that love... it can be tricky. Loving someone as God loves us is not easy. Sometimes
loving ourselves as God loves us sure isn’t easy. Sometimes we take a risk in
our active choice to love one another, to make our neighbor holy. But we’re not
the only ones to take a risk in loving one another. Our neighbor takes a risk
in loving us too. What does this look like? Jesus showed us time and time
again; he didn’t hang with what we would call the “popular crowd.” He loved the
sick, the weak, the poor, the Samaritan. People that didn’t have power. People
that were deemed as on the outside, the other. Like “that kid.” The one who doesn’t seem to fit in; the one
who is not a part of the “in-group”? That kid, who is not accepted for who they
fully are. Maybe you make fun of that
kid. Maybe you watch others make fun of that kid. But to take the risk, to
reach out to that kid... that risk can change someone’s life, especially if you
are that kid. It may be uncool. It may be unpopular. It’s a risk to do
something not cool, to go against the in-crowd.
But
then, God took the biggest risk in loving us.
Risking
God’s own son.
Risking
life.
Risking
our rejection.
But
that is how much God loves us, to risk the possibility that we will reject
God’s suffering and ultimate sacrifice. But God does it freely anyway because
God loves us. That is what love does, it uses its freedom love our neighbor, to
risk for our neighbor, and to be open enough for our neighbor to risk for us,
including risking loss and rejection.
God
so loves us that God sent Jesus, God’s beloved Son.
God’s
love for us is so incredible, so unfathomable, that God’s love was nailed to a
cross and resurrected on the third
day so that we may live... and love.
God
so loves us that God created us in God’s image. How radical is that, that we
all resemble an amazing and diverse God?
God
love for us is so amazing and so radical, it comes to us in these words at the
altar at our churches, “This is my body, broken FOR YOU. This cup is the new covenant in my
blood, shed FOR YOU.” That’s one of the best parts of being Lutheran;
God meets is in ways we can actually experience. God loves us so much that God
comes to us in ways we can hear, see, taste, touch; through communion, through
baptism, through the Living Word. God comes to us in the means of grace we can
grasp on to so we can feel and experience God’s presence with and among us.
When
our hearts are broken, when we are discouraged, we come to the altar time and
time and time again to become whole again, to be restored, to be in
relationship with God and one another, being in communion with one another. We
do this with the recognition that we are loved by God, and our broken hearts are
mended to take the risk to love neighbors, to be loved by our neighbors, and to
love ourselves... By living out this agape love for God, for one another, and
for ourselves, the world will know we are one in Christ. This is living into
God’s agape love story.
So...
what’s love got to do with it?
If
love is about our relationship with God and each other, it’s everything.
In
love, let us take a moment of silence for those we take a risk on loving in God’s
image…
In
love, let us take a moment of silence for those who risk loving us seeing us as
created in God’s image...
In
love, let us take a moment of silence for those who have gone before us, for our
ancestors, for those who have risked everything before us (even their lives) so
that we can be here today, for the communion of saints that uphold us and
uplift us for the work we need to do as Christ’s hands and feet in the world
today...
Amen.
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