Here's something a tad different. My internship site places the audio from sermons online, which means that the sermons I've preached are all online. Ack. The last sermon I preached was not on the Gospel text (which starts the audio file), but instead what I found to be a daunting text: 1 Corinthians 6:12-20.
And here you go: http://www.stpaul-lutheran.com/sermons/20120115.mp3
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doubt. Show all posts
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, the Lord hath need of thee...
Sermon for the Fourth Sunday of Advent, Year B, December 18, 2011
Delivered at St. Paul Lutheran Church, Oakland, California (my internship site)
Shortly after I was baptized, my pastor told me that he thought I should go to seminary. I was pretty confused. I thought I didn’t need to go to seminary, I was just fine the way that I was. And I wrestled for a good long time with what my pastor told me. I actually gave him a few choice words after he said that, words that I won’t repeat for you here. But I was confused. I was upset, and I was definitely wondering where in the world did my pastor get that idea? I wondered, “How can this be?”
That’s one of the fascinating things about call stories in the Bible. There are numerous accounts of people who struggle with being tapped by God as favored, as chosen, who wonder aloud, “How can this be?” There’s an internal struggle, the self doubt, the lamenting of “Why me? Couldn’t God have picked anyone else, because this is a really big deal… Anyone who could be more qualified, more skilled, more adept, yet God picked… me?” Then there’s processing, discerning, and sometimes, acceptance.
Which leads me to today’s Gospel lesson. The Annunciation, otherwise known as part of Mary’s call story. God’s messenger, the angel Gabriel, came to Mary and gave her some interesting news. One of the reasons why I wanted to share the conversation between my pastor and me was because in reading today’s Gospel, I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through Mary’s head when Gabriel came to her. What were the thoughts running through her head when Gabriel told her that she was so highly favored as to bear the Son of God?
Perhaps it would be helpful to have some background information on Mary… We know her as the mother of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, but Mary was also an ordinary girl. A very human girl. She was probably a teenager, around 12 or 13 years old. Mary was from the equivalent of middle-of-nowhere Hicksville. Before Jesus’ birth and tourist buses, Nazareth was not a happening place; it was looked down upon as a lowly little village. To heighten more of Mary’s ordinary life, her family was probably poor and part of the peasant class… These characteristics make Mary an insignificant and unremarkable girl. She was just a plain ol’ poor girl from the backwaters of Nazareth.
In the Gospel, we’re clued into Mary having a very human reaction to Gabriel’s visit and message. Mary, who in her brief depictions in the Bible is shown as a great person of faith, also struggled with this announcement, with this call. She was perplexed and pondered Gabriel’s words. But these words, perplexed and pondered, may be too “delicate” for the situation. Instead of perplexed, how about the word disturbed? Or even agitated? She may not have verbalized them, but she may have had some choice words for Gabriel… wondering, why me? To quote Mary, “How can this be?”
Mary was also probably a good Jewish girl, knowing her Hebrew Bible. This meant Mary believed in the arrival of a Messiah. But can you imagine her surprise when the angel Gabriel told her that not only will she give birth to a child, but the child she will carry “will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. [Her son] will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” No pressure, right? Yet this insignificant teenaged girl from an insignificant town and from an insignificant family… is visited by Gabriel, the messenger of God, being told that she has an amazing call and that God has found favor with her? How can this be? Why a poor peasant girl from the middle of nowhere?
Well, why not?
The minute we think we know how God will act in the world, God will to something radically different, something counter-cultural, something world changing. God promised in 2 Samuel that God would establish a dynasty for the house of David and that David’s kingdom would be forever. Yet the people of Israel had a tumultuous, difficult history in the time between God’s promise to David and Gabriel’s visit to Mary. This long-expected Messiah would lead them out of the constant oppression the Jewish people endured for hundreds of years. And God keeps God’s promises… yet those promises are kept in unexpected and surprising ways. Can you imagine Mary’s surprise and shock when she’s told that she will give birth to the Messiah? And that the Messiah is not some great, strong, powerful military leader, but that the Messiah comes to us as a weak newborn, born in a filthy animal-filled stable? That God looks upon Mary with favor in the tangible and very alive life of a newborn baby?
God looks upon us with favor too, and in a very tangible way. What does it mean to have God look upon us with favor? In the waters of baptism, God looks upon us with favor. In the waters of baptism, we are born to a new life in Christ; a baptism service is filled with language of light, of new life, and of rebirth; all that we hope for in a post-Advent life. Baptismal services are filled with this hope with words such as:
“God, who is rich in mercy and love, gives us a new birth into a living hope.”
And words such as…
“By water and the Holy Spirit we are reborn children of God.”
And words such as…
“Let your light so shine before others that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
These words lead us to the light of new birth. We could say it is a time in our lives that’s pregnant with possibilities when we’re set aside to be carriers of new life. The old sinful self falls away to a new life. And in this new life of being with Christ, we are set aside to be ministers, set aside to be favored by God. Our ministries may differ from person to person. It doesn’t have to be ordained or lay ministry. It is more how we are the light of Christ in the world to one another. Regardless, we are called into ministry; we are called into new birth in the waters of baptism. And God looks upon us with favor.
But then what? What does it mean for you to have God look at you with favor and be active in your life? How do you live your call in this world waiting for Christ to return? In this world that’s filled with brokenness, how do each and every one of us live out our call that God places on our hearts, especially at times that are particularly difficult? On days when we’re standing in the line at the DMV? On days when we step over a panhandler in order to get into the grocery store? On days when we’re feeling rushed to get everything done? On days where we’re not feeling favored? While we may not be told we’re going to give birth to the Son of God, how then in our call as ministers do we still be the presence of Christ in difficult moments? Moments when we’re angry, upset, and want to turn our backs and walk away from our call? How are we the presence of Christ, the bearers of Christ, especially if we’re wrestling in moments when we ask, “Really God? Really? How can this be?”
I think we have expectations of how God acts in the world. But when God acts, we can ponder, be perplexed, be terrified, and be amazed. We can especially feel these emotions when God comes to us, telling us God has found favor with us. We can sometimes feel this flood of emotions when we hear the words, “The Lord hath need of thee…” (to quote Pastor Ross when he needs someone to do something...) God is so active, that God became human, born of Mary, to live out a human experience. Living out that human experience to know our joys, our fears, our hopes, our despair, our experiences as called bearers of Christ. Jesus, born of the poor, unwed, teenaged Mary, shows how the humble are lifted, the world is turned upside down, and God comes to meet us in the most human, the most tangible way, coming to share our experience with us at our lowest places. God comes to us in the tangible waters of birth, of new and hopeful life to state that God has found favor with us and sets us apart to be ministers. God surpasses our expectations time and time again.
God found favor with Mary. God finds favor with us. How… in our flesh… in new birth… in waiting for the birth of Christ… will we respond as a minister in this time of waiting, watching, and hoping?
I leave you with the words of Lynn Ungar and part her poem, “Incarnation.”
I confess that I am caught
by the story of Christmas,
by the pronouncement of the Spirit
upon Mary’s plain flesh.
What right did the angel
have to come to her
with the news of that
unprovided, unimaginable
birth? What right
had God to take on flesh
so out of season?
The flesh has so few choices,
the angels, perhaps, none.
The trees will shake themselves
and wait for spring.
The angels, unbodied, will clutch
the night with their singing.
And Mary, like so many,
troubled and available,
will hear the word:
The power of the Most High
will overshadow you
And in her flesh, respond.
Delivered at St. Paul Lutheran Church, Oakland, California (my internship site)
Shortly after I was baptized, my pastor told me that he thought I should go to seminary. I was pretty confused. I thought I didn’t need to go to seminary, I was just fine the way that I was. And I wrestled for a good long time with what my pastor told me. I actually gave him a few choice words after he said that, words that I won’t repeat for you here. But I was confused. I was upset, and I was definitely wondering where in the world did my pastor get that idea? I wondered, “How can this be?”
That’s one of the fascinating things about call stories in the Bible. There are numerous accounts of people who struggle with being tapped by God as favored, as chosen, who wonder aloud, “How can this be?” There’s an internal struggle, the self doubt, the lamenting of “Why me? Couldn’t God have picked anyone else, because this is a really big deal… Anyone who could be more qualified, more skilled, more adept, yet God picked… me?” Then there’s processing, discerning, and sometimes, acceptance.
Which leads me to today’s Gospel lesson. The Annunciation, otherwise known as part of Mary’s call story. God’s messenger, the angel Gabriel, came to Mary and gave her some interesting news. One of the reasons why I wanted to share the conversation between my pastor and me was because in reading today’s Gospel, I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through Mary’s head when Gabriel came to her. What were the thoughts running through her head when Gabriel told her that she was so highly favored as to bear the Son of God?
Perhaps it would be helpful to have some background information on Mary… We know her as the mother of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, but Mary was also an ordinary girl. A very human girl. She was probably a teenager, around 12 or 13 years old. Mary was from the equivalent of middle-of-nowhere Hicksville. Before Jesus’ birth and tourist buses, Nazareth was not a happening place; it was looked down upon as a lowly little village. To heighten more of Mary’s ordinary life, her family was probably poor and part of the peasant class… These characteristics make Mary an insignificant and unremarkable girl. She was just a plain ol’ poor girl from the backwaters of Nazareth.
In the Gospel, we’re clued into Mary having a very human reaction to Gabriel’s visit and message. Mary, who in her brief depictions in the Bible is shown as a great person of faith, also struggled with this announcement, with this call. She was perplexed and pondered Gabriel’s words. But these words, perplexed and pondered, may be too “delicate” for the situation. Instead of perplexed, how about the word disturbed? Or even agitated? She may not have verbalized them, but she may have had some choice words for Gabriel… wondering, why me? To quote Mary, “How can this be?”
Mary was also probably a good Jewish girl, knowing her Hebrew Bible. This meant Mary believed in the arrival of a Messiah. But can you imagine her surprise when the angel Gabriel told her that not only will she give birth to a child, but the child she will carry “will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David. [Her son] will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.” No pressure, right? Yet this insignificant teenaged girl from an insignificant town and from an insignificant family… is visited by Gabriel, the messenger of God, being told that she has an amazing call and that God has found favor with her? How can this be? Why a poor peasant girl from the middle of nowhere?
Well, why not?
The minute we think we know how God will act in the world, God will to something radically different, something counter-cultural, something world changing. God promised in 2 Samuel that God would establish a dynasty for the house of David and that David’s kingdom would be forever. Yet the people of Israel had a tumultuous, difficult history in the time between God’s promise to David and Gabriel’s visit to Mary. This long-expected Messiah would lead them out of the constant oppression the Jewish people endured for hundreds of years. And God keeps God’s promises… yet those promises are kept in unexpected and surprising ways. Can you imagine Mary’s surprise and shock when she’s told that she will give birth to the Messiah? And that the Messiah is not some great, strong, powerful military leader, but that the Messiah comes to us as a weak newborn, born in a filthy animal-filled stable? That God looks upon Mary with favor in the tangible and very alive life of a newborn baby?
God looks upon us with favor too, and in a very tangible way. What does it mean to have God look upon us with favor? In the waters of baptism, God looks upon us with favor. In the waters of baptism, we are born to a new life in Christ; a baptism service is filled with language of light, of new life, and of rebirth; all that we hope for in a post-Advent life. Baptismal services are filled with this hope with words such as:
“God, who is rich in mercy and love, gives us a new birth into a living hope.”
And words such as…
“By water and the Holy Spirit we are reborn children of God.”
And words such as…
“Let your light so shine before others that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
These words lead us to the light of new birth. We could say it is a time in our lives that’s pregnant with possibilities when we’re set aside to be carriers of new life. The old sinful self falls away to a new life. And in this new life of being with Christ, we are set aside to be ministers, set aside to be favored by God. Our ministries may differ from person to person. It doesn’t have to be ordained or lay ministry. It is more how we are the light of Christ in the world to one another. Regardless, we are called into ministry; we are called into new birth in the waters of baptism. And God looks upon us with favor.
But then what? What does it mean for you to have God look at you with favor and be active in your life? How do you live your call in this world waiting for Christ to return? In this world that’s filled with brokenness, how do each and every one of us live out our call that God places on our hearts, especially at times that are particularly difficult? On days when we’re standing in the line at the DMV? On days when we step over a panhandler in order to get into the grocery store? On days when we’re feeling rushed to get everything done? On days where we’re not feeling favored? While we may not be told we’re going to give birth to the Son of God, how then in our call as ministers do we still be the presence of Christ in difficult moments? Moments when we’re angry, upset, and want to turn our backs and walk away from our call? How are we the presence of Christ, the bearers of Christ, especially if we’re wrestling in moments when we ask, “Really God? Really? How can this be?”
I think we have expectations of how God acts in the world. But when God acts, we can ponder, be perplexed, be terrified, and be amazed. We can especially feel these emotions when God comes to us, telling us God has found favor with us. We can sometimes feel this flood of emotions when we hear the words, “The Lord hath need of thee…” (to quote Pastor Ross when he needs someone to do something...) God is so active, that God became human, born of Mary, to live out a human experience. Living out that human experience to know our joys, our fears, our hopes, our despair, our experiences as called bearers of Christ. Jesus, born of the poor, unwed, teenaged Mary, shows how the humble are lifted, the world is turned upside down, and God comes to meet us in the most human, the most tangible way, coming to share our experience with us at our lowest places. God comes to us in the tangible waters of birth, of new and hopeful life to state that God has found favor with us and sets us apart to be ministers. God surpasses our expectations time and time again.
God found favor with Mary. God finds favor with us. How… in our flesh… in new birth… in waiting for the birth of Christ… will we respond as a minister in this time of waiting, watching, and hoping?
I leave you with the words of Lynn Ungar and part her poem, “Incarnation.”
I confess that I am caught
by the story of Christmas,
by the pronouncement of the Spirit
upon Mary’s plain flesh.
What right did the angel
have to come to her
with the news of that
unprovided, unimaginable
birth? What right
had God to take on flesh
so out of season?
The flesh has so few choices,
the angels, perhaps, none.
The trees will shake themselves
and wait for spring.
The angels, unbodied, will clutch
the night with their singing.
And Mary, like so many,
troubled and available,
will hear the word:
The power of the Most High
will overshadow you
And in her flesh, respond.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Twin Cities, Part II
My third visit in the Twin Cities was to Luther Seminary. This was outside the scope of my original proposal, though. I had the intention of traveling around visiting Asian American pastors in the ELCA (which means my visit to the Church of All Nations was also outside the original scope of my proposal), but the nature of a proposal is that it is merely that: a plan or a suggestion put forward. And the nature of plans or suggestions is that they are able to change, morph, and evolve. I realized while wandering around the library lounge at Lutheran School of Theology Chicago that I would be visiting cities that are home to ELCA Lutheran seminaries. I started this journey out at Lutheran School of Theology in Philadelphia, getting to wander the campus and interact with some of the professors. I attended chapel in Chicago, but did not have time for a guided tour of the physical building of the seminary and to speak to professors and staff about curriculum.
Why visit a seminary at this phase of the journey? Well, why not? I'm currently a seminary student at an ELCA seminary, and I was curious as to how other ELCA seminaries speak to "multicultural ministries." The staff at Luther made sure that I had a full day, but with this full day came many questions and some frustrations with seminary education and reactions with particular individuals in the ELCA. One conversation in particular was a struggle for me. The person I spoke with would throw out general terms such as "students of color," "international students," "us," and "them." Throughout the conversation, I asked her for clarification on these terms, to which she would add, "You know what I mean?" I told her, "No, actually I don't know what you mean." With words being used as powerful symbols, I get frustrated when words get thrown around without an adequate personal definition. I remember asking, "What do you mean by 'us'? Am I a part of this 'us'? Because if you're talking about students of color not being called to a congregation based on their physical appearance, I am not a part of your 'us.'" Honestly, I was sad and frustrated that this individual has a position which greatly impacts all students at Luther. She then asked me, "Well, you have all the answers, right?"
This is where I have an issue with diversity within the ELCA. Who then is responsible for acting to make the church a diverse body representative of humanity? Is it the responsibility of people of color to bring in diversity? Or is it the responsibility of each member of the denominational church body? Who then is accountable? Will the individual-ness of each person be honored if they come to the church, or will they be forced to act in a certain manner to match up with the dominant population?
I spoke with another individual who talked about some of the multicultural components that goes into a seminary education. One of my gripes with the whole of seminary education is that I wonder if I'm learning about ministry and theology that is applicable to the parish? Are future church leaders being trained to speak about race, gender, and class issues? Are future church leaders being trained in ecumenical and interfaith dialogue? Also, what the heck is multicultural ministry? There have been different definitions flying around since I've started this journey. There is no concrete definition for a multicultural ministry. With the constraints of seminary education, there is an incredible nuance; there can be a significant difference between what one is trained to do and what one is called to do.
I spoke with one of the staff of Church of All Nations before I left the Twin Cities. It was an insightful and challenging conversation. Part of the discussion led to the question, "Can there really be a 'multicultural' ministry?" What happens if populations are segregated? What happens when one population is forced to act unlike themselves to act like the majority? Colonialism still happens in the church, yet can we love one another when people don't fully understand who they are? Ultimately, I still think to John 13:34-35, which is one of the verse I carried with me during my Clinical Pastoral Education experience. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Yet, what does it mean to love? What does it look like to love? I revert back to my conversation with Pastor Jin Kim when he spoke of letting go of fears into the hands of the Spirit, freeing us to love each other, giving us the ability to tell each other, "I care about you" with genuine love and compassion.
Why visit a seminary at this phase of the journey? Well, why not? I'm currently a seminary student at an ELCA seminary, and I was curious as to how other ELCA seminaries speak to "multicultural ministries." The staff at Luther made sure that I had a full day, but with this full day came many questions and some frustrations with seminary education and reactions with particular individuals in the ELCA. One conversation in particular was a struggle for me. The person I spoke with would throw out general terms such as "students of color," "international students," "us," and "them." Throughout the conversation, I asked her for clarification on these terms, to which she would add, "You know what I mean?" I told her, "No, actually I don't know what you mean." With words being used as powerful symbols, I get frustrated when words get thrown around without an adequate personal definition. I remember asking, "What do you mean by 'us'? Am I a part of this 'us'? Because if you're talking about students of color not being called to a congregation based on their physical appearance, I am not a part of your 'us.'" Honestly, I was sad and frustrated that this individual has a position which greatly impacts all students at Luther. She then asked me, "Well, you have all the answers, right?"
This is where I have an issue with diversity within the ELCA. Who then is responsible for acting to make the church a diverse body representative of humanity? Is it the responsibility of people of color to bring in diversity? Or is it the responsibility of each member of the denominational church body? Who then is accountable? Will the individual-ness of each person be honored if they come to the church, or will they be forced to act in a certain manner to match up with the dominant population?
I spoke with another individual who talked about some of the multicultural components that goes into a seminary education. One of my gripes with the whole of seminary education is that I wonder if I'm learning about ministry and theology that is applicable to the parish? Are future church leaders being trained to speak about race, gender, and class issues? Are future church leaders being trained in ecumenical and interfaith dialogue? Also, what the heck is multicultural ministry? There have been different definitions flying around since I've started this journey. There is no concrete definition for a multicultural ministry. With the constraints of seminary education, there is an incredible nuance; there can be a significant difference between what one is trained to do and what one is called to do.
I spoke with one of the staff of Church of All Nations before I left the Twin Cities. It was an insightful and challenging conversation. Part of the discussion led to the question, "Can there really be a 'multicultural' ministry?" What happens if populations are segregated? What happens when one population is forced to act unlike themselves to act like the majority? Colonialism still happens in the church, yet can we love one another when people don't fully understand who they are? Ultimately, I still think to John 13:34-35, which is one of the verse I carried with me during my Clinical Pastoral Education experience. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." Yet, what does it mean to love? What does it look like to love? I revert back to my conversation with Pastor Jin Kim when he spoke of letting go of fears into the hands of the Spirit, freeing us to love each other, giving us the ability to tell each other, "I care about you" with genuine love and compassion.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Back again.
I've been so horrible about updating this thing. I had these wonderful intentions to update people throughout the spring quarter on what I was learning and feeling. It's now the first week of October. The spring quarter was definitely an experience. The summer held needed rest, and to discern if seminary was really the right thing for me. I desperately wanted to be Jonah, hop on the ships of Tarsus and sail away from my responsibility. The same week I was having thoughts running away from my responsibilities, the pastor at my church gave a sermon. On Jonah. And the whale. Well if that's not a bullhorn, I don't know what is.
So I find myself back at Fuller, but conflicted. Part of this walk has been lonely. I feel like there's a bit more than a God-shaped hole in my heart. I'm taking the chance to open myself up, trying to get to know more people, making myself a bit more vulnerable. I just didn't realize how scary it would be. The comfort I do find is the support of my family and friends. And God, even if I'm a terrible Biblical Greek student.
So I find myself back at Fuller, but conflicted. Part of this walk has been lonely. I feel like there's a bit more than a God-shaped hole in my heart. I'm taking the chance to open myself up, trying to get to know more people, making myself a bit more vulnerable. I just didn't realize how scary it would be. The comfort I do find is the support of my family and friends. And God, even if I'm a terrible Biblical Greek student.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)