"You hate people, yet you love gatherings"

In my small grace items, I mentioned that God finds a way to converse with me when I really need guidance. Especially when I am a theological dumb butt. And when I think my heart has been hardened and I can't sense what I'm supposed to do with my life. I may sound "Joan of Arc crazy," but I promise, I haven't heard voices in my head. Yet. And I really do love Jeanne d'Arc.

I've been having a rough time in seminary for a few reasons. I cannot gloss it over as a perfect, wonderful, amazing, blissful experience. I find myself in weird stages of doubt. Am I a devout doubter? I've found myself stressed and frustrated, wondering if I'm nuts for being a seminary student. I've been especially lonely, as my mentors are scattered across the country. My doubt clouded my judgment this morning as I was struggling with the idea of going to church. I went through the motions. Confession. Forgiveness of sins. Sharing of the peace. But it was the hymn of the day that could only be equated to God conversing with me:

"Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work’s in vain,
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.

If you cannot preach like Peter, if you cannot pray like Paul,
You can tell the love of Jesus and say, "He died for all."
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.

Don’t ever feel discouraged, for Jesus is your friend;
And if you lack for knowledge, He’ll never refuse to lend.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul."

Sometimes I can hear a big, fat "I told you so." But that's my voice, not His.