Monday, Monday

Grace in the small things for this Monday...
1. Walking almost seven miles today, giving me the opportunity to be alone with my thoughts.
2. Sending my application to Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary.
3. Having one of my recommendations already sent to PLTS.
4. Frozen yogurt with strawberries.
5. The husband and I meeting with a financial counselor.

"You hate people, yet you love gatherings"

In my small grace items, I mentioned that God finds a way to converse with me when I really need guidance. Especially when I am a theological dumb butt. And when I think my heart has been hardened and I can't sense what I'm supposed to do with my life. I may sound "Joan of Arc crazy," but I promise, I haven't heard voices in my head. Yet. And I really do love Jeanne d'Arc.

I've been having a rough time in seminary for a few reasons. I cannot gloss it over as a perfect, wonderful, amazing, blissful experience. I find myself in weird stages of doubt. Am I a devout doubter? I've found myself stressed and frustrated, wondering if I'm nuts for being a seminary student. I've been especially lonely, as my mentors are scattered across the country. My doubt clouded my judgment this morning as I was struggling with the idea of going to church. I went through the motions. Confession. Forgiveness of sins. Sharing of the peace. But it was the hymn of the day that could only be equated to God conversing with me:

"Sometimes I feel discouraged and think my work’s in vain,
But then the Holy Spirit revives my soul again.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.

If you cannot preach like Peter, if you cannot pray like Paul,
You can tell the love of Jesus and say, "He died for all."
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul.

Don’t ever feel discouraged, for Jesus is your friend;
And if you lack for knowledge, He’ll never refuse to lend.
There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole;
There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin sick soul."

Sometimes I can hear a big, fat "I told you so." But that's my voice, not His.

Superbowl Sunday

My five for today.
1. God finds a way to talk to me, even when I am a theological dumb butt.
2. Finishing my application essay for Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary.
3. A funny Superbowl commercial with John Elway.
4. The husband's guacamole from scratch and homemade flour tortilla chips.
5. Yet another gorgeous LA day; perfect for a walk to church and the grocery store.

Lazy Saturday

1. Beautiful, absolutely gorgeous weather.

2. Listening to "Clare de Lune" and music by Satyajit Ray on "The Darjeeling Limited" soundtrack.

3. Taking a nap longer than 30 minutes (try two and a half hours!)

4. Eating a piece of triple chocolate cake from Porto's for breakfast.

5. Reading a review for David B.'s new book in the LA Times. I can't wait to go to the library...

Friday Five!

Not much to report today... but I want to make sure I post my grace in the small things for today.

1. Renting a movie from Blockbuster on a whim.
2. Sewing a button on one of my favorite shirts. The button was hanging by a thread for the four months my wrist was in a cast.
3. Making lasagna for dinner with friends later tonight.
4. Looking at cakes at Porto's, my favorite local bakery. And buying a cake for dessert tonight.
5. Watching hummingbirds at the window feeder.

Ease in my uneasyness

Part of my unease about seminary is that the material is so new to me. I didn't grow up in "the church." I didn't have a Sunday school education. But sometimes, not growing up in the church is a benefit. I'm seeing the things I learn in class as fresh and new; I have no Sunday school theology that needs dismantling. It doesn't make learning the material any easier, but it's an adventure all the same.

And now, grace in the small things on this beautiful Thursday...
1. Going to the local library branch and picking out one leisure reading book. And finishing that book later in the afternoon.
2. Getting presents for two very special boys engraved.
3. Eating a fish fillet sandwich with extra tartar sauce.
4. Getting an email/ blog comment from the friend that inspired me to find daily grace and track it.
5. Date night with the husband.

365 Days of Grace

I'm still learning a lot about being Lutheran. In my initial interview with a committee member, I was asked if I would want to get rid of my Hindu upbringing. I was overly defensive in my response. I could never forget or get rid of my Hindu upbringing. It's helped shape who I am, and it's an emotional tie I have to my family. I may have come off as a bit rabid, but I'm still adjusting to talking about something that's always been an abstract subject for me.

Part of the Lutheran education deals with grace. I hear a lot of words and phrases thrown around, like "justification by faith," and "law versus gospel," and "gospel sets us free." Phrases are nice and everything, but I'm trying to figure out what this means.

In my interviews, I've admitted that I'm naive when it comes to doctrine. I'm still learning. I'm still discerning. I'm still trying to run away from this "calling" that I cannot seem to shake.

I am embracing grace this year, through baby steps. A friend posted something on his blog, "Grace in Small Things." I will list (hopefully daily) five things that have graced my life. These things may have such a gravity words may not do justice, while others can be found in simple pleasures. Here's my first attempt...
1. Splitting a chocolate bar with my husband
2. Finishing my book review without my computer crashing
3. Laughing and talking with my brother
4. Walking to the grocery store on a beautiful day
5. Cleaning my laptop and textbooks off the dining table so my husband and I can actually dine on the table.